Life and Grief

Mariela left last week. It would be a huge understatement just to say I miss her. Her joy, laughter and adventure always leave a tangible mark on my heart when she is here. Her leaving was somewhat less difficult this time. Perhaps it is because I know she will back and feel more permanence in our relationship.

Olivia certainly misses her too. She must feel especially lonely facing backward in her car seat in the back seat after all of those weeks of having Mariela's companionship!

I have heard it said, and I believe it is true, that knowing the great joy of loving someone makes the pain of their loss worth it. And the truth is that this small loss is only that. Very small. And she will return. And she is healthy and growing and wonderful. She continues to grow in her faith and develop the giftings that God has given her. I am thankful for the gift of being part of her life.

But her leaving isn't all that has me thinking about loss. Yesterday I attended a funeral for a baby who left this world before he ever truly entered it. It was heartbreaking and difficult. One of those situations where the only answers I can come up with don't really make sense anyway. And the words of a preacher at a funeral can't really give any comfort to the soul. Only the Holy Spirit can do that. It was a day that left me longing for a time where the Glory of God covers the earth and the power of sin and death have been trampled by Jesus. I have a long way to go in developing a strong heart and to be more connected with the Heart of God.

I wish that today these words were my words:

Where, O death is your victory? Where O death is your sting?

But if I am honest, I will say that I feel the sting of death today. I believe in my mind that death is only a thin separation from this world and that true life begins on the other side. But it is hard for my heart to understand that which my mind knows is true.