The journey

Number One

2011-11-26T20:02:00.003-06:00

Olivia it is your first birthday! We celebrated with your family and close friends this afternoon. It was such a fun little party. You are such a joy and it is hard to believe that you are one year old. You are growing and changing so much.

You weigh right around 19 pounds. We don't go for your one year appointment until next week when we will get all of your stats. You love eating table food now. You really like meat, green beans and peas. You are finally sleeping really well. You have had a few 10 hour nights, but you usually wake after 8 hours or so, need a little pat or rock and go back to sleep for 4 more hours. You sleep so well at night that you only nap an hour and half or so during the day.

You have four sweet teeth. You cruise along the furniture and you can stand on your own for several seconds. Tonight you walked behind a little push toy that you got for your birthday. You still love dogs, the color yellow, going outside and things that are round. You have lots of opinions and you are not afraid to share them. You have recently decided that getting your hair washed is the WORST of all punishments and you scream, cry and attempt to climb out of the tub for the duration of hair washing time!

Olivia, you are just such a blessing. Being your mom is the best thing I could ever think of. Happy birthday sweet girl!

Reflections

2011-11-23T21:00:00.004-06:00

As I near Olivia's first birthday, I think it is natural that I have been doing a lot of reflecting. This time last year, I was spending my last day or so without a baby in my arms. It is hard to describe in words how much life can change in a moment.

I remember this time last year being over a week past my due date. I was sure my baby was never coming! I made plans to go shopping Black Friday, thinking maybe the madness would make me go into labor. Little did I know, the best gift I would ever received would arrive on Black Friday! No shopping necessary.

This has been a year of change and growth, blessing and trial, as I suppose most years are. Becoming a mom has certainly slowed down the pace of my life in so many ways. We aren't as busy outside of our home as we used to be. But in other ways, the pace of life seems to be in fast forward. Watching a baby grow is so amazing.

One of my major goals is to simply enjoy each moment with Olivia. Each stage is different and unique and wonderful. That is the beauty of being a parent. The littlest things become the most interesting. An empty diaper box provides hours of fun and the best giggles. Learning to eat a banana and smear it all over your hair becomes the best game of all.

So life is a little stickier, a little slower, a lot funnier and so much more interesting than I ever imaged. Thank you Olivia for making me a Mama.

11 Months Old

2011-10-28T14:18:00.005-05:00

A year ago this time, we were just anxiously awaiting your arrival. Little did we know that we had a whole month to go before we met you! We were expecting you to come in mid November instead of after Thanksgiving.

I seem to have lost the cord to connect the camera to the computer, so there aren't too many pictures this time.

Little Olivia you are really growing into your own person. There is one major word I have to describe your personality the last month: stubborn! You are really starting to have your own likes and dislikes and you are not afraid to share that with us.

You have gone from eating anything, anytime to being very picky. Foods you like: anything that is completely pureed and liquid and Puffs. Food you don't like: everything else. If it has even a hint of texture, forget about it. You will pick up finger foods (such as carrots, bananas, cheerios, apples), put them in your mouth and spit them back out. Over and over and over. Even baby food that has little pieces in it comes right back out of your mouth. You used to eat cheerios but after we started giving you Puffs, you just started throwing cheerios on the ground. We are just going with it. I figure you will start using those teeth whenever you are ready to!

You also will not take a bottle at Sonshine School. At all, ever. But as soon as you get in the car in the parking lot, you are asking for it. You still nurse about 3 times a day, but you started taking a bottle more often this month.

You love to explore your world. You really have loved the nice weather and always want to go outside. Anytime we go to the front door to open it, you squeal with delight. You love walks, swinging and even just sitting on the porch. You are a very good crawler and you can get places fast. You can pull up to standing and stay steady on your feet if you are holding on to something. Your biggest challenge is that you don't know how to get down and usually end up just letting go and falling!

You are a big reader. You have several favorite books, but really like to read anything. You will often go pick out a book, bring it to me and sit expectantly for me to read it.

You tell us where you want to go by pointing or gesturing with your hand. It is usually outside, but sometimes you want someone to take you to another room.

You have four teeth now. You love to feel of them with your fingers. You have four words that I know you have used understanding the meaning: "dada" (daddy), "nana" (nurse), "da" (dog), and "mama" (mama). Well, the last one is kind of hopeful. I know you have said it but I am really not sure it has been directed at me yet!

I still hear people say often that you are the prettiest baby they have seen. Of course I agree! But my prayer this month is that I will be able to help nurture those things that are inside of you! That strong personality that is emerging is just what God intended. As much as I miss my teeny tiny baby, every day with you is an exciting new adventure and I am so happy to be your Mama.

Why Adoption Matters

2011-10-02T20:54:00.003-05:00

Occasionally I am asked by someone to explain the purpose of our ministry. The easy answer is that we exist to find families for children in need — whether through adoption or through foster care.

Almost 50% of pregnancies in the United States are unintended. Of those, over 40% end in abortion. The purpose of adoption is to give a parent facing an unplanned pregnancy an opportunity to give their child life and plan for their future by placing them into a loving, Christian home.

Adoption ministers to everyone involved. For a birth parent, it provides the chance to make a loving, responsible, and painful choice. It allows them to put the needs of their child before their own wants or desires. They are able to choose a family to raise their child, entrusting them to love and nurture the child as much as the birth parent does.

Adoption allows adoptive parents to grow or create their family. It also allows families to be obedient to the call of the Lord in James 1:27 to care for the orphans. Adoption lets adoptive parents be a part of the Lord’s plan to “set the lonely in families” (Psalm 68:6). Adoption is the framework through which the Lord ensures that family-less children find families.

For children, adoption provides a Christian family. Families are God’s perfect design. Through a family, children find love, nurture, and healing. Families provide the foundation of faith. Children are able to grow up in the optimal environment for success when they have a Christian family.

Adoption matters to us because it matters to God. What a blessing it is to be part of God’s plan for all children to have families.

To Write About Adoption

2011-09-27T21:37:00.005-05:00

I love adoption. I love adoption because I believe that the Father heart of God is for children to have families. Adoption is the redemptive work of God to provide families for children who are family-less. Families are the foundation of faith -- the perfect oasis for children to grow and learn about the Kingdom.

I believe in adoptions of all sorts -- private domestic, through foster care and international. I believe in adoption for all kids who are without families. I believe that children inherently have the right to a family, regardless of their circumstances.

Adoption is not perfect. If things were perfect, all families would be healthy and able to raise the children born to them. But for a variety of reasons, that is not always the case. And in circumstances where birth parents can't raise a child, adoption has always been an option. As far back as the Bible. Think: Moses.

So, adoption is Bible basics. We just aren't very educated about it.

It is my observation that most who are disconnected from adoption (they haven't adopted, don't know people well who have or are unfamiliar with the "adoption world") generally believe in the idea of adoption. But some understand that so many children are truly without families. They also feel that they could never adopt and don't know how to touch or help with the issue if adoption (or fostering) is not an option for them.

I desire to write somethings about adoption and this seems like a good place. Perhaps these thoughts will be shared or someone will be stirred about adoption by something they read here. If nothing else, I will use this area to speak what I believe to be the Lord's heart about adoption.

Over the next few weeks I plan to write about: domestic adoption, foster care and waiting children in the US, international adoption (which tends to be somewhat controversial), and how to help biological families stay together or reunite. Maybe other topics. And to highlight some specific Oklahoma adoption and foster care initiatives, including The 111 Project and Christian Services of Oklahoma. I will be writing as an adoption professional and a Christian. I am not writing as a foster or adoptive parent, since I am not one. I know a lot about adoption and foster care, but I don't know it all. I am on a journey. I am still learning. These will be my thoughts and observations.

If you don't like adoption, you might want to avoid this blog. On the other hand, you might want to stick around. Maybe the Lord will stir something in you.

12 Months Minus 2

2011-09-26T12:00:00.000-05:00

Olivia Grace you are 10 months old today. I just cannot believe it. This has been an eventful month full of milestones for you. Every day is such an adventure full of laughter and fun. What a wonderful blessing you are!

Olivia you love to swing and be outside in general. It finally cooled off enough that we have been able to go to the park and sit outside. It is like a whole new world to you! After being inside the whole 100 degree summer, I am not sure you knew the outside existed.

Case in point: "Mama, I have a blade of grass!"

You started Sonshine School this month. Your teachers say you are the best and sweetest student. I know that is true. You don't like to eat or take a bottle while you are there, so we are working on that.

You started crawling on Friday, September 16! You had been scooting along for a while, but not really crawling. We were in your bedroom, folding clothes and you tentatively took off for a toy you had never seen that was in your closet. Within a week you were crawling all over the place. Our lives just got a lot more interesting and a lot faster pace!

I like this picture for a few reasons. The first is that you are raising one finger up, something you do a lot. It is just a funny little thing you do. But in this picture, you are playing shy. Which is another funny little thing you do. You finally got to wear the high top tennis shoes that Aunt Von gave you. You are not at all sure about shoes, but they sure are cute.

And finally, you have cut your first tooth. You were really fussy for a few nights and finally yesterday I felt around in your mouth and felt that tooth! It has just barely popped through.

Sweet girl, you are just a joy. Happy 10 months of life!

Photo Book

2011-09-18T14:22:00.001-05:00

Click here to view this photo book larger

She's a Fan

2011-09-17T21:05:00.002-05:00

Looks like we have an OU fan on our hands. Daddy turned on the game and Olivia was very interested! Of course, it might have just been the TV she thought was fun. She hasn't seen it very many times.

Eight and Nine all Rolled into one!

2011-09-15T21:30:00.004-05:00

Dear Olivia,

Life got busy and I haven't recorded anything about months 8 and 9. So, here is a little update.

At your 9 month appointment, you came in at 17 pounds, 28 inches. Your mama was just barely 28 inches at one year! You are going to be tall little girl.

You spent the summer loving to swim. We would put you into the water and you thought that you could just swim all on your own. You knew right away to kick your hands and feet.

We had lots of big adventures during these past few months. We took trips, hung out with Mariela, ate lots of new foods and you developed lots of preferences. For instance, you prefer any food that does not include meat, you would rather drink out of mama's cup than your sippy cup, and you would rather someone get a toy for you that is out of your reach than go get it yourself! Finger foods are totally not part of your reality. You will hold them, touch them and look at them but you will not put them in your own mouth! No way. Food comes on a spoon and it gets fed to you by your mama or daddy. Of course.

You got to try out a swing for the first time at Grandma and Grandpa's house. You loved it! You love new experiences and adventures, but you love to be close to Mama and Daddy. These past few months you have started reaching for me immediately when I walk in from work and if I don't pick you up right away, you start to fuss!

You are just wonderful. You are still my sweet little baby who likes to cuddle and be close, but you are gaining your independence and your own ideas as well. You are sleeping in your crib in your own room now. That transition made you seem so big!

I love you Olivia! Every milestone is just so fun to witness and experience.

Life and Grief

2011-08-03T10:13:00.006-05:00

Mariela left last week. It would be a huge understatement just to say I miss her. Her joy, laughter and adventure always leave a tangible mark on my heart when she is here. Her leaving was somewhat less difficult this time. Perhaps it is because I know she will back and feel more permanence in our relationship.

Olivia certainly misses her too. She must feel especially lonely facing backward in her car seat in the back seat after all of those weeks of having Mariela's companionship!

I have heard it said, and I believe it is true, that knowing the great joy of loving someone makes the pain of their loss worth it. And the truth is that this small loss is only that. Very small. And she will return. And she is healthy and growing and wonderful. She continues to grow in her faith and develop the giftings that God has given her. I am thankful for the gift of being part of her life.

But her leaving isn't all that has me thinking about loss. Yesterday I attended a funeral for a baby who left this world before he ever truly entered it. It was heartbreaking and difficult. One of those situations where the only answers I can come up with don't really make sense anyway. And the words of a preacher at a funeral can't really give any comfort to the soul. Only the Holy Spirit can do that. It was a day that left me longing for a time where the Glory of God covers the earth and the power of sin and death have been trampled by Jesus. I have a long way to go in developing a strong heart and to be more connected with the Heart of God.

I wish that today these words were my words:

Where, O death is your victory? Where O death is your sting?

But if I am honest, I will say that I feel the sting of death today. I believe in my mind that death is only a thin separation from this world and that true life begins on the other side. But it is hard for my heart to understand that which my mind knows is true.

And I missed 7 months

2011-07-10T21:21:00.005-05:00

We went to Honduras in June and brought this beautiful girl home with us:

So, I have been busy being Mom to an 11 year old and 7 month old. But I want to remember Olivia's 7 month!

She made her first international trip to Honduras to visit our good friends there. Here we are at Mariela's grandmother's home. This is where I stayed in 2003 with Amber when I first met Mariela. It was so fun to take Lance and Olivia there.

We rented a car for a few days in Honduras and I drove there for the first time. It was my 9th trip there but first time to drive. The most important thing is that we are all still living. Driving there is pretty different than here. I am not as aggressive as most other drivers there, but I did okay!
Here is Olivia on her first plane ride. She did just great. She really didn't cry or fuss at all. She nursed on the take offs and slept mostly. She did great really clingy on our landing in Tegucigalpa, which is usually a pretty rough landing.

She also got her high chair in June! She loves it and feels like such a big girl in it. She totally knows when we put her in it that it is food time. She gets excited and squeals and then fusses if we don't get her food fast enough.

Other 7 month highlights:

Olivia still loves to eat and is growing a lot. I came home from work one day and told her I was pretty sure she weighed more than she had that morning!
She can sit independently, although she has taken a few tumbles when she starts playing with toys.
Olivia was born a great sleeper but has regressed some this month. I am guessing the big trip we took, along with teething and having a new person in the house have all kind of thrown her off. Our solution for this has been to let her sleep in our bed! That way we all get a good night's sleep. She usually starts out in her bed but ends up with us. I can honestly say that I have enjoyed it and love the special cuddle times with her. She has her whole life to be grown up. I am glad for now she is my sweet baby who loves being near us.

Making Baby Food

2011-05-29T21:30:00.000-05:00

I had a few "parenting" goals when I was pregnant. Honestly, I didn't (and still don't) have that many, other than to raise my child to love the Lord! But I did have a few for the early years. Breastfeeding and making my own baby food topped that list. I am so thankful that both have worked out wonderfully for us.

My wonderful mom agreed to help me with my baby food making project. Which is great for several reasons. First, I hate cooking. I don't cook for Lance or myself at all. So even the minimal cooking involved in baby food making was daunting to me. Second, she has a food processor and steamer and I don't (since I don't cook). Third, she is just fun and it was way better to do this with her!

We made our first round of baby food in early April. We didn't start her on baby food until she was almost 5 months, although we did start rice cereal a few weeks before that. The first batch of baby food we made was sweet potato, butternut squash, carrots and apples.

Our second round was just a week ago. Here Olivia is seen helping me while we bake and steam.

Since she LOVES sweet potato and butternut squash, we made lots more of those. We also added mango, pears, and sweet peas this time.

My mom is a pro-baby food maker. I could not have done this without her!

Honestly, baby food making is pretty easy. Both times it has taken us several hours since we made so much at once, but it makes feeding super easy and quick. We just baked, steamed or cooked the food. Then we pureed it in the food processor. The first time we make it really runny since it was her first foods. This time we still made it pretty runny, but didn't worry about it quite as much.

Then, I froze it in ice cube trays and stored it in ziploc freezer bags. Right now, Olivia eats 3-4 cubes of baby food two times a day in addition to nursing. I would say that is about 3 ounces although I haven't measured it exactly.

In the future I plan to add rice and grains to her vegetables. I don't know when we will add meat, but I think it will probably be a while.

Making Olivia's baby food is fun. I feel great about what she is eating and I know we are saving money.

Half a Year Old

2011-05-27T16:40:00.004-05:00

I have been a mom for half a year! It is hard to believe that my sweet girl is 6 months old. I pretty much think she is the best thing ever. Here is a little 6 month update (for Granny!!).

Olivia Grace has some wild hair. She recently starting developing knots in the back of it, which her Daddy lovingly combed out today.

Olivia has lots of nicknames, mostly given by me. Some favorites are: Smo (as in SmoLivia), O, OGT, Boopie, and Boops. And whatever else comes to mind when I pick her up!

Olivia is stylish. Here she is seen rocking rainbow leg warmers, her Team Richard onsie and her favorite pacifier.

Olivia is happy. Pretty much the happiest baby ever. Take that Happiest Baby on the Block! I've got her and pretty much don't follow any expert advice besides love your baby and do what seems right. If she cries, it means business because she doesn't cry that often.

Olivia talks, laughs and plays. She also loves to eat. Her 6 month stats are 14 lbs, 3 oz. (16th percentile) and 26 inches (61st percentile). Tall and skinny, just like her Daddy.

Other things of note this month:

Olivia loves squash and sweet potato. She is ambivalent about carrots and does not like avocado. She still nurses great.
Olivia has settled into a pretty good routine with Daddy while I am working. The routine includes eating, sleeping, playing and going on whatever adventures Daddy dreams up such as goat sales and eating lunch at Subway. Ah the life!
Olivia is more reserved when we are in public or around new people but she warms up pretty well. At home she is talkative, active and expressive.
Olivia has rolled over a grand total of three times. But she is almost sitting on her own. Funny girl. Why roll over when Mommy or Daddy will carry you?
Olivia is looking forward to a big family trip in June and to Mariela being here to visit for 6 weeks this summer.

Olivia you are totally amazing and I love being your Mommy! Happy 6 months of life sweet girl. We are celebrating because we are so happy you were born!

On Being a Mother

2011-05-10T18:16:00.001-05:00

I am so glad that I became a mother when I did. God's perfect plan is always so much better than anything we could dream up or imagine!

I have been thinking and reflecting some this week on becoming a mother. Like most little girls, I played with dolls and dreamed of having lots of kids. At least 10 (and we really might have that many if that is what God has in mind for us!).

When I was 18 I started working in inner city Oklahoma City. At that time I really began to fill a "mothering" role to some of the kids we worked with. One young boy, who is a grown man now, would sometimes reflect that I was more of a mother to him than his own mother. Wow, what an honor that the Lord chose me to play that role in someone's life.

In 2003 I went to Honduras and met Mariela. A few years later when she entered school I made a committment to her, to make sure that her education was paid for. That committment has really turned in to so much more. Lance and I consider Mariela our oldest daughter even though she is only here with us physically a few times a year.
I would say these experiences put a deep longing in my heart to "full time" mother some children! I think the idea of being able to be the strongest influence in the life of a child is just so powerful. To shape these little hearts and minds and help them grow to know the Lord. It just makes me feel excited!

As I have reflected this week, I have been so thankful that I was 30 (2 days shy of 31) when I first became a full time Mommy. I am so thankful that the Lord had 30 years to work on my heart and shape who I am. I know the Lord isn't even close to finished working on my heart. But I find that I have so much of His love to give my sweet Olivia and Mariela, and I believe to whatever other children that He gives to us!

Being a mother, I'd say it's one of the best things in the world. But being a Daughter of the Lord, well that is actually better.

Mother's Day

2011-05-08T17:02:00.004-05:00

Today is Mother's Day! A happy day to anyone reading who is blessed to be called "Mom."

This is technically my first Mother's Day as a mom, althought last year on this day I was about 13 weeks pregnant with sweet Olivia. So that kind of counts. Of course I have 31 years of celebrating my wonderful mother! There have been lots of thoughts bouncing around in my head this week.

In my job I am honored to work with mothers. Foster mothers, birth mothers, adoptive mothers. Just lots of mothers.

I spend my days with women who have willingly taken on the role of "mom" to little ones who can't be with their own families for reasons out of their control. These foster mothers sacrifice so much of themselves so that little children will know and experience the love of a mother and the love of the Lord. Foster mothers exemplify the idea of laying down oneself for others.

I spend my days with women who are not yet mothers but dream of being, or women who are mothers but hope to grow their family through the gift of adoption. Whatever reason that they come to our agency, our adoptive mothers are a blessing! Adoptive parents understand love in such a deep way and their families paint a picture of our place in the family of God!

I spend my days working with women who for one reason or another find themselves pregnant with a child they don't feel they can raise. These courageous women make the hardest choice of all. Society that tells them that abortion is cool and glamorizes being a single mother. But they have searched their hearts and know that the gift of adoption is the most loving thing they can do for their child.

I just love mothers and I love working with mothers. Not every mother is like me and there is not another family on earth that will be just like mine. But I am inspired to see women making an eternal impact on their children through love.

Cinco Meses

2011-05-01T16:30:00.001-05:00

Olivia you turned 5 months old on April 26. Every day with you just gets more and more fun!

This month you:

Started cereal and showed an extreme love for eating!! You have also had sweet potatoes.

Continued to be easy going and show us your personality. When you meet knew people, you mostly just stare at them seriously. You are a lot like your daddy! But at home you talk, giggle and wiggle a lot!
Looked cute every single day!! You weighed 12 pounds 3 ounces and were 24 inches at your 4 month appointment March 30. You are growing and changing so much.
Went to the mall with Daddy. You also went to Denison to visit Grandmother and Stillwell to visit Grandma and Grandpa Parsons. You only came to work with me a time or two! You mostly hang out with Daddy during the day.

Spent Easter with the Towers Family. Just wait, it won't be long until you can keep up with cousin Jance!

Started smiling and giggling even more. You are so happy and fun to be with!

First Foods

2011-04-10T16:24:00.004-05:00

Olivia had her first taste of rice cereal today. I will let the pictures speak for themselves.

Well, this is odd. I am sitting up food is entering my mouth on his spoon.

I am not so sure about this. What is going on? How do I get it out of my mouth?

Excuse me Daddy, put that camera down and help a girl out!

Back to my happy self now that you have stopped putting that stuff in my mouth! I told her not to worry too much, it will get better. Sweet potatoes and butternut squash are up next.

March 18, 2010

2011-03-29T07:00:00.000-05:00

Although I didn't blog on this important anniversary, I want to remember it!

On March 18, 2010 we found out that we were expecting a baby. It was such an exciting, surreal day. Both Lance and I were very happy and really looking forward to becoming parents. I remember so many details about that time.

I had just gone on a trip to Colorado for work and Lance had joined me. We drove to Colorado Springs for a day and the on to Denver for a day before turning around and coming home. I remember on our way back from Denver I had to stop a lot to go the bathroom. Now, I generally make lots of pit stops while traveling but this was even excessive for me. I remember thinking how odd it was that I needed to stop so often.

But I still hadn't connected the dots! We got back really late Tuesday night and I went to work as normal Wednesday. Then Thursday rolled around and I went to work again. I knew Lance had tickets for the NCAA basketball tournament at the Ford Center that night. But while I was at work I just got this small idea that maybe I was pregnant. And of course once I got the idea, I couldn't get it out of my mind. But I honestly didn't think I really was.

So I did what any normal person would do. I stopped on my way home from work and bought a pregnancy test at CVS. I didn't give it too much thought and since I was sure it was going to be negative I just went ahead and took it even though I knew Lance wouldn't be home for several hours.

So imagine my surprise when I saw it was POSITIVE! Here I was, home alone with no one to tell! I just did a lot of sitting on the couch until Lance came home. I did not want to tell him over the phone. He actually called to say he was thinking of staying for another basketball game but I asked him to come home. I think he knew something was up then.

I left the pregnancy test and a note on the counter so he would see it when he first walked in.

And just a few weeks later we got a first glimpse at our little treasure.

Olivia Grace, April 22, 2010 (first ultrasound)

Olivia Grace, March 1, 2011

Perspective

2011-03-27T15:00:00.000-05:00

It crossed my mind recently that I started this blog way back in 2005 long before I was married with a baby. It seems like all I can think of to write about lately is my baby. For good reason! She is a sweet, lovable, wonderful little human who is a large focus of my life.

So I guess in some ways, this blog is very representative of my life at this time. There are still many things I care about, love and am interested in. I am still a social worker, friend, and daughter. But in this season of my life wife and mother are the most prominent of my identities.

I do strive for balance, and beyond all things I desire for the pursuit of God to be my primary goal.

One thing I have struggled with is finding the time to connect with the Lord. The best way I can describe it is this: prior to having a baby my quiet thoughts were mostly directed toward God and many of my inner thoughts were prayers to Him. But since becoming a mother I find that many of my quiet, inner thoughts are consumed with my daughter. I know there is a place for this but I also know that God must remain the center, the focus.

This morning as I read scripture, I asked the Lord to speak to me through his word. He directed me to Psalm 27 where I read this: "My heart says of you, 'Seek his face!' Your face, Lord, I will seek." I am so thankful for the quiet times when I connect with Him and I realize that as years pass and more children are added to our family, I will need to come back to Him again and again.

So I will continue to seek his face. And live in confidence that his grace is sufficient for me, in every season of life.

Who me? You mean I changed your life?

"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the sun."

Finishing the Fourth Month

2011-03-26T11:15:00.003-05:00

Our sweet Olivia is four months old today! I have this feeling that I am just going to turn around and she will be four and then fourteen. I plan to do my best to enjoy each day. Here are the things I want to remember about this fourth month.

1. Olivia, you went to your first Thunder game. This is you with Daddy. You loved it! You actually slept through some of it.

2. You went to lots of basketball games this past month. Daddy likes to watch high school championships, NCAA, NBA, all sorts. We went and watched my high school win state and we saw Daddy's high school lose.

3. You have perfected your sweet smile. You are so generous with it, smiling and cooing and talking a lot. You will turn your head if you hear Mama or Daddy walk in the room and bless us with this sweet look!

4. You have also gotten really steady with your head. Daddy and I both noticed that your neck wasn't very strong yet...because we hold you so much! So we spent a lot of time letting you sit up and hold your head up and within just a few weeks you were a champ. You are growing so quickly.

5. You have really gotten bigger. You just moved from a size 1 diaper to a size 2 and you are wearing some 0-3 months clothes but lots of 3-6 months. We go to the doctor next week, but I guess you are around 12.5 pounds or so. We'll see!

6. You are so healthy. You have not been sick at all. Recently you have started drooling A LOT so I my guess is that teeth might start popping up in the next few months.

7. You still love the bath! Here is a baby mohawk Daddy gave you. You giggle and giggle and giggle when I rub lotion on you after your bath! It is one of my favorite times.

8. You still sleep very well, anywhere from 5-8 hours at at time (usually closer to 5 but sometimes as much as 8!). Very recently you have struggled some. From the time you were first born, you loved to be swaddled at night and that was how you went to sleep so easily. But now you get out of your swaddling blanket and then cry to be swaddled but then you get out again! So we started putting you to bed without swaddling a few nights ago. You haven't slept as soundly but you are doing well!

9. You are still pretty laid back and relaxed but you don't mind at all asserting your opinion when it seems right to you! You will lay and play and coo and talk, but when you are ready to be picked up, you are ready now. And there is no shortage of people happy to cuddle with you!

10. Here are trips you have taken in this month of your life: Mounds, OK; Stillwell, OK; Coweta, OK; Tulsa, OK (5 times); Denison, TX (2 times); Ardmore, OK. Let's just say you are an excellent traveler and know exactly what to do in the car: SLEEP!

I love you to pieces dear girl!

For Granny

2011-03-20T14:00:00.000-05:00

Olivia loves all of her great-grandparents! She loves to visit Granny and Grandpa (my grandparents) some evenings.

We love you Granny and Grandpa!

One Year Ago

2011-03-19T10:36:00.004-05:00

One year ago yesterday, we found I was pregnant! What a difference a year makes. I remember being thrilled learning that a little life was growing inside me. It was surreal and I almost couldn't believe it. I had wanted to be a mother for so long.

Becoming a mom has changed my heart in ways I really didn't know were possible. I have always loved deeply and found it easy to love children. But there is a depth of love I experience now that I didn't even know about before.

I can't wait to see what this year brings!

Celebrating Three Months of Life

2011-02-26T08:00:00.000-06:00

My sweet Olivia Grace, you are three months old today! I can hardly believe that such a short time ago we were welcoming you into the world. Even harder to believe is that at this time last year I was newly pregnant with you and didn't even know it!

Happy three months. You are a precious treasure.

Olivia's first snow!

1. You experienced your first snow at the end of January: the Blizzard of 2011. You didn't get out of the house for 5 days but we loved cuddling. Your second snow came just the very next week.

2. You went from sleeping 5-6 hours at night to sleeping 7-8 hours at night. That made your Mama very happy! Honestly we didn't do anything to try and get you to sleep that long, you just really like your sleep, and so do I. This arrangement is working out well.

Hanging out inside during the snow.

3. You laugh and smile a lot. You are just a generally happy baby and always greet me with a smile in the mornings.

4. You are becoming more aware of what is around you and have started to pay attention to some of your toys. You love the toys that have lights and music. We had lunch with Lindsy one Saturday and you loved all of the lights in the Saturn Grill!

Just being sweet

5. You are a very social baby. You love to be with us and around others. You are happy whenever anyone is holding you!

6. We spent our first nights alone together when Daddy went on a trip to Kansas City. We missed him, but we did just fine. Thankfully Gran and Grandpa and Julie all came to visit us since we were snowed in!

Sitting in the Bumbo

7. You started holding your head up pretty well this month. You are still a little wobbly with it, but I think that is because we hold you so much and don't make you hold it up! We have been practicing a lot lately.

8. You startle more easily now. Abbie's barking or my phone ringing will wake you up from a nap, so I have started having to be more thoughtful about where you sleep and what is happening around you. You took your first nap in your crib on February 16. It was pretty short but you still slept there!

With Gran at Granddaddy's funeral

9. We had our first mommy-daughter trip to the mall. I think you had a good time. You mostly slept which was awesome since I had this fear of you belting out with a horrible cry in the middle of Baby Gap. And you got some cute outfits as well!

10. You made your second and third trips to Denison, TX. My Granddaddy (your great-Granddaddy) passed away on February 19. We made it time for Gran and me to say good-bye to him before he died. We went back for the funeral this week. As Gran pointed out, you were are great reminder that as hard as it is to lose someone we love, there is new life to rejoice in as well.

What Kind of Parent Am I?

2011-02-16T20:39:00.001-06:00

Olivia did get to go outside on Day 5 of the first snow storm. But she prefers being inside warm and cuddly!

Before I was a parent, I taught parenting classes. Ah, the irony. I am aware of that. I used a curriculum and taught different techiniques and strategies. In the back of my mind I always wondered which of those I would use when I became a parent.

I think I always thought I would be a "Babywise" parent. I love routine, schedules and predictability. Kids need structure! Kids need routine! I need structure and routine! These things are all true.

So now I have been a parent for almost 12 weeks, which obviously makes me an expert. Well, while that may not be true, there is one thing that I taught in parenting classes that is true. I always told my clients "I may be an 'expert' on child development, but you are the expert on your own child."

So 12 weeks in I am just going to come right out and say I am not a Babywise mom. I guess that makes me the dreaded "attachment parent." Honestly, I am not sure what I am. I am just Olivia's mommy and I am learning what works for us.

I like to watch my baby and respond to her cues. I like to feed her when she is hungry even if it hasn't been the alloted amount of time. So sometimes she goes 2 hours between feedings, sometimes 3 and occasionally even 4! At night she'll frequently go 5-6 hours which totally rocks. I like to let her nap when she gets tired even if that means sometimes she takes a long morning nap and a shorter afternoon nap, and other days it might the opposite. I like to put her to bed at night when she seems ready, and sometimes that is 8:45 p.m. and sometimes it is 10:00 p.m.

I know! If I were my therapist I would be teaching myself how important routine and consistency are.

I know that things will change and evolve a lot as she gets older. There probably will be more routine in her days as she starts staying up for even longer periods of time and her naps become more regular. Or when she learns that there is life beyond breastmilk and joins us for meal.

I think I am learning that my baby is good at telling me what she needs and likes. And I enjoy responding to her. What a joy to see her smile, coo and laugh when I am playful with her. Or to see her slowly get peaceful and relax into sleep while laying beside me.

The truth is there is a lot of pressure to parent one way or the other. I want to remember that beyond all of the techniques and philosophies lies one truth: the Lord has entrusted me to be Olivia's Mommy and I want to nurture the sweet spirit He put within her. I always want that to matter more than how any book says I should parent!

Snow Days

2011-02-05T10:01:00.003-06:00

I lived through my first Oklahoma Snow Storm this week.
But my Mama never would take me outside to get a picture in the snow!

So I just had to look cute in the toasty warm house! And I am pretty happy about that.

Sorry Olivia, no great pictures of your first snow. But you can trust me that you lived through it!

Olivia Enters the World

2011-01-30T16:10:00.011-06:00

Here is the story of Olivia's birth. I hope to remember every detail for her!

Lots of people talk about having a birth plan. I have heard women talk about their desires and hopes for the birth of their baby. So when I started thinking about labor and delivery, I thought about how I would want it to go. But I also heard that creating a specific birth plan can actually lead to anxiety and make things hard. So I decided to go with a flexible attitude when it came to giving birth. We did attend a birthing class and interviewed a doula but in the end decided not to hire one. I prayed about the whole process and decided to think of the number one thing that mattered to me when it came to giving birth. Of course, my top priority was doing whatever was necessary to have a healthy baby. But it was clear that my second priority was to avoid a c-section. I really wanted a normal delivery and I wanted to do whatever I could to make that happen. I talked to my doctor about this early on. She was happy to hear my attitude. She is very laid back and not in favor of lots of interventions. I told her I did not want to induce until it was absolutely necessary. She agreed with this, telling me that not only are inductions risky for the mother and baby, but they greatly increase the changes of a c-section.

So, armed with that information I moved forward determined that this baby would come when she was ready.

Olivia's due date was November 14, 2010. I watched the 14th come and go with no signs of her desire to enter this world. After her due date passed, I started going to the doctor two times a week to make sure the baby was okay. The great news was little baby girl was just fine and plenty happy where she was. The bad news that I was not progressing toward labor at all. I knew that I was heading for an induction since my body wasn't showing signs of going into labor on its own. We scheduled my induction for Nov. 30, 16 days past her due date and as far as my doctor would let me go.

I went in for a non stress test on Nov. 24th, the day before Thanksgiving. Oddly my blood pressure was a little elevated. It had stayed steady at about 115/70 my whole pregnancy. That day it was about 130/80 which was high for me. I had a headache earlier that day so the blood pressure explained that. The doctor and nurse weren't too worried and sent me home since the baby looked great.

That afternoon I really started feeling badly. I had a headache, I was lightheaded and lethargic. I just thought I was tired due to being over 41 weeks pregnant! The next day was Thanksgiving and I woke up feeling better. We had a Thanksgiving meal at my parent's house in the late afternoon and by that time I started feeling pretty bad. I was really lightheaded and started developing a headache again. My parents had a blood pressure machine so after we ate, I just decided to see if it was still a little high. We were all shocked to see my blood pressure was 145/119. I wasn't very concerned about it, but I did call the on call doctor who told me I needed to come right in to be monitored.

Lance and I ran by our house to get our bags just in case they decided to keep me. I really didn't think they would. By this time, 11 days past her due date, I had just about given up hope that this baby was ever going to come! We got to the hospital and they monitored me for a few hours. My blood pressure stayed pretty high. Finally the doctor came in and said, "It looks like we are having a baby tonight." She decided it was safer to induce me since my blood pressure was so high. I was nervous but felt so bad by that point I was totally on board.

I was actually dilated to a three when they checked me before we started the induction, so that was a great start. We got settled in a "high risk" delivery room and they started the medication at about 9:30 p.m. on Thanksgiving. My parents came up for a few hours right when things got started, but the doctor and nurses warned us it could be as much as 24 hours before I gave birth. They left around midnight, and about that time things started to progress pretty well. I started having harder labor pains and I knew things were moving. I decided to hold off on an epdiural as long as possible because I didn't want to do anything to slow down my labor.

The next few hours were pretty hard. I was hooked up to a constant blood pressure cuff and the IV for the induction so I couldn't move much. I was able to use the birthing ball some and I changed positions often. I was surprised how painful the contractions were. I am not sure why, I guess you just can't really know what they are going to feel like until you experience them! Lance was great and he brought me my iPod so I could listen to music, rubbed my back, laid by me and did all the things he could to help me. At 3:30 a.m. I was dilated to a 5 and I decided to get the epidural. I was pretty tired since I had been up all day before. After the epidural I felt great and both Lance and I got some sleep. Around 9 a.m. the nurse checked me and I was fully dilated! I was so excited. By this time my parents were back at the hospital, and Lance's parents and my brother and sister-in-law had also arrived.

I started pushing at 9:30 a.m. I will just say that delivery was...hard. My epidural dosage was low so I could feel what was happening but it didn't hurt. I was not really prepared for what hard work the delivery was. I pushed for two hours, and at times I wondered if she was ever going to come. The doctor kept commenting on how great she looked. She never showed any signs of stress even though my blood pressure stayed high! Finally at 11:29 a.m. on November 26, 2010, our perfect Olivia Grace was born. She came two days before my 31st birthday!

I felt a tremendous amount of relief to see her and I immediately started crying when they laid her on my tummy. It was also a surprising moment. Here was the little human who had been developing inside of me for so many months. I felt like I knew her so well, and at the same time like we were meeting for the first time. Olivia was absolutely beautiful, born with a headful of dark hair. She weighed 7lbs, 4 oz. and was 20 1/4 inches long.

I got to hold her and nurse her right away. They didn't even take her to weigh her or anything for about 30 minutes which was wonderful! And in keeping with her attitude about coming into the world, Olivia remains a laid back baby who is already showing that she has a mind of her own!

Justice and the Christian Social Worker

2011-01-27T17:00:00.002-06:00

I recently received this question from a young social work student:

I am having quite the time understanding how to be steadfast to my Christian beliefs and ethics in the social work world. I stumbled upon your blog and found that I have similar interests in the career of social work and beliefs in my spiritual walk. I've been doing research on the topic of "social and economic justice." I was wondering if I could get the perspective of a fellow Christian social worker on this phrase. How do we as Christians carry out social and economic justice in a way that is pleasing to God and instills the proper work ethic in our clients?

Here are my thoughts:

I think the number one thing I have to remember is that my first and most important identity is my identity in Christ. When I understand who I am in Him, it gives me right perspective on everything else in life. It is easy to say "I am a Christian first" but I really have to ask the Lord to show me my identity in Him so that I can live out the purpose He has given me in life.

I believe that the phrase "social and economic justice" is somewhat of a catch phrase right now, although those terms are nothing new to social workers and certainly nothing new to the Lord. God is highlighting social and economic justice among His people right now and that is good. The most important thing is to understand God's heart on this topic. I don't have full understanding of this yet. But I am seeking it. One thing I do know is that the justice of God is something that is much deeper than just giving food to people. We know from scripture that God will bring about justice on the earth, so the best way we can partner with Him on this is through prayer; by asking Him to do what He has promised in scripture in regard to justice. Practically speaking if we meet Him in the place of prayer on this issue, we can be sure that He will also show us what we can do. Scripture tells us that speaking for those who have no voice (advocacy) providing for food, clothing and daily needs and looking out for the needs of the fatherless, the widow and the alien, are all activities we should be participating in. These are issues of justice!

In regard to instilling the proper work ethic in clients, I have to say that I am not sure this is the job of the social worker or the Christian. I am not sure that the Lord has asked us to instill a work ethic in others. We are to serve and love and to share the message of Christ. In terms of work ethic (which is important to the Lord also, "he who does not work does not eat" comes to mind) I believe we can pray that the Lord instills work ethic in others. We can certainly teach work ethic to children through various programs and education. Teaching them that working for something earns a reward will help them understand that working as an adult can earn them a reward in the form of a paycheck. Also I will say that this is something best taught in the family, so working on strengthening families is very important. As families are strengthened, then these values can be passed down from parents to children. I hope that makes sense. I don't have as much clarity on this issue because it is not one that I have spent much time talking to the Lord about. I am certainly open to other ideas.

I would love to hear the thoughts of other social workers and social work students. I know there a handful reading my blog!

To read more of my thoughts on being a Christian Social Worker go here and here.

Two Sweet Months

2011-01-26T17:38:00.008-06:00

We are celebrating two months of life today! What a precious blessing Olivia is. Here are 10 things about her second month of life.

Yes, you are adorable!

1. At your two month appointment today, January 26, 2011, you weighed 9 pounds, 13.5 ounces and were 22 inches long. You are growing perfectly!

2. Although I debated about delaying your vaccines, you got your two months shots on time today. I cried more than you did I am pretty sure. The nurse asked if Mommy needed a sucker!

Sweet baby girl

3. You started smiling and cooing this month. You smile when you see us and talk back when we talk to you. You smile lots on your changing table, one of your favorite places!

4. You are still a major cuddle bug. We love it! We love to cuddle with you.

Hanging out with Mariela

5. You are super relaxed. You handle just about anything with ease and hardly ever fuss, just if you are hungry or really tired and sometimes if your stomach hurts.

6. You went on a trip to Kansas City this month to a Christian Conference at IHOP-KC called Onething. We worshipped lots and you liked it until you got tired and then you just wanted to sleep! You are a really good traveler.

First bottle! She doesn't take too many of them but she does great when she does.

7. You go to prayer meetings a few times a week with Daddy and sometimes Mommy.

8. You had a play date with your Aunt Taryn, cousin Jance and Daddy this week. You had a good time and I think you and Jance are going to be great friends! Since you don't have a big brother, I am glad you have a big boy cousin.

In her wrap at Wal-Mart shopping with Mommy and Mariela

9. You are wearing size 0-3 clothes and size one diapers. But you are too long for some of your clothes!

10. You truly are a beautiful baby, inside and out! Everyone comments on how gorgeous you are, and even though I am biased, I know they are right. You are beautiful. But your calm, serene spirit is already evident and I know you are going to bless so many others as you grow!

First hotel stay in Kansas City

Mariela Vists Again!

2011-01-22T20:28:00.005-06:00

Mariela spent 3 weeks with us in late December and early January. It was so fun to have her here during the winter. It was her first time to ever experience winter since she is from a tropical climate. She adjusted pretty quickly.

It was so fun to see her experience things like cold weather, winter, and icicles for the first time.

Lance taught Mariela to bowl. I did manage to beat her, but barely!!
Lance and Mariela went ice skating at the rink downtown. Olivia and I just watched. She liked it and was great it, but the next day her feet hurt and she did not want to go back!

We celebrated New Year's in Kansas City and had a really fun party that involved silly string and ordering a pizza.

Here are Mariela and Olivia experiencing their first ever hotel stay!

We visited my grandparents in Texas. She visited four states this trip...Oklahoma, Texas, Kansas and Missouri. We loved having her with us over Christmas. She is so sweet and is growing up so quickly. But even as she gets older, she remains such a sweet, sweet girl. She is so curious and kind. She loves to help out and enjoyed helping take care of Olivia. She also loves to talk about God and enjoyed our Bible story times in the evenings.

Here are our two sweet girls!

Newborn Pics

2011-01-16T16:17:00.007-06:00

When Olivia was one and a half weeks old, Lesley Proctor came to our house and took her newborn pictures. I just love the way they turned out. Here are just a few.

One Month

2011-01-14T16:11:00.012-06:00

Sweet Olivia is actually 7 weeks today, but I have decided I am going to try to post 10 things about her once a month. So here are her 1 month pictures and milestones.

She turned one month on December 26, 2010.

First family photo, one day old.

1. Olivia is a great sleeper, usually only waking me one time in the middle of the night to eat.

2. She loves her bouncer that my aunt and cousins gave her. Other than our arms, it is one of her favorite places.

Just a few hours old, thanks to my brother Scott for these sweet pictures.

3. Olivia eats about every 3 hours.

4. She really likes her pacifier.

Loving that bouncy seat, 15 days old!

5. Olivia enjoys music and it often calms her if she gets fussy. Among her favorites is Jon Thurlow, a worship leader at IHOP that I listened to a lot when I was pregnant.

6. She really likes to take baths as long as I make sure to turn on a heater before we start!

Hanging out with me while I work, 18 days old. Best helper ever!

7. Mariela came to visit us from December 21-January 9 and it was so fun to see the two of them together.

8. She took her first road trip to Lance's parents in Wann, OK, at 3 weeks old, followed by a trip to my grandparents in Texas the day she turned one month old! She is a great traveler.

9. Olivia is a major cuddler which is just fine with us.

Meeting my grandmother, her great-grandmother the day she turned one month old.

10. Olivia is a wonderful, laid back baby. Life with her is just fun and she is so easy to take care of. A baby like her makes me think I could have half a dozen more!!

Olivia Grace

2010-12-01T16:37:00.005-06:00

Our sweet daughter Olivia Grace entered the world on Friday, November 26, 2010 at 11:29 a.m., just barely missing Thanksgiving! She did wait long enough for me to have a nice Thanksgiving meal at my parent's house.

She is absolutely perfect. She weighed 7 pounds 4 ounces and was 20 1/4 inches long. She has her Daddy's long fingers and toes and lots of dark hair.

I was not prepared for how amazing being a mom would be. We pretty much just sit around all day and look at her and hold her. I love to tell her stories and pray for her as she sleeps. She is such a good listener! She enjoyes listening to music with her Daddy and seems most content when she is in his arms.

What a precious gift from God. Each time I look at her I thank Him for entrusting us with this sweet treasure. I can rarely look at her without thinking of all of the babies and children in this world who do not have parents to care for them. It seems my heart is growing even more for the fatherless children of this world as see my own daughter in the loving arms of her Daddy.

Defining Moments

2010-11-04T17:14:00.006-05:00

I have been thinking some lately about the moments in my life that have helped "define" my course in life. Maybe it's because I am becoming a mother and thinking about what sorts of experiences I hope my daughter has. Or maybe it is something else, I am not sure.

About a year ago I was interviewed by a college student who needed an "interesting person" interview for a class she was taking. Now, I am not sure I am all that interesting but she needed an interview and I remember those sorts of assignments from college and grad school, so I said yes. Somehow in the interview we got on the topic of my experience in graduate school. After growing up in a conservative Christian environment and going to a conservative Christian college, I went to graduate school at a state university to get my master's in social work. That was a great decision for me. And truly, it was one of these defining moments that I have been reflecting on.

I guess for as long as I can remember I have been compassionate toward people in need. So a degree in social work seemed like a natural fit. But even more than that, I had grown up learning that Christians did good things for people because God told us to. That was pretty clear cut to me. God says it, you do it. I headed off to graduate school to become a social worker so I could do good things because that was my Christian mandate!

Graduate school caused me to re-evaluate my entire world view. I think this is pretty common. But my experience in graduate school was this. I was suddenly surrounded by professors and other students who were very passionate about the things the Lord says to be passionate about (caring for the poor, speaking for the oppressed, the fatherless, etc.) but many weren't Christians! In fact, they were often more passionate about these issues than many Christians I had ever met.

It made me stop and ponder why. Why did I know so many Christians who seemed more concerned with the size of their house or the kind of car they had than these "secular, liberal" social workers? Why didn't I see more Christians making sacrifices of money and time when these non-Christians just seemed to understand that there is a purpose bigger than money in life? And what was so bad about this "liberal" profession of social work? I mean, if liberal means taking care of the poor and oppressed, well that seemed pretty good to me. It was kind of confusing. To tell the truth, I still don't have it all worked out in my head.

I have come to the conclusion, as have many others, that part of the problem is the overall ambivalent and sleepy state of the Christian church in the USA. Where God's people have failed to act, others have stepped forward and done a great job of solving social problems. I could say more about that, but I think I will save it for another day.

In my heart, leaving those complex issues up to those who do not know Christ is not sufficient. What I learned was that my entire view of my Christian mandate was off! My main purpose was not to do good things, stay out of trouble and help others. Anyone can do this and many, many wonderful people do. You do not have to know God to make a difference in someone's life. You do not have to know God to know that it is good to help those who are in need. That is because helping others is not the primary Christian mandate.

My main purpose in life is to love God and to know Him. That is the primary Christian mandate (see Matthew 22:37-38). Out of that relationship and intimate knowledge of His heart, then I can serve others (the second commandment Matthew 22:39). And that is what makes my service different than one who does not know Christ.

I have hope. Hope beyond today or tomorrow. Hope that there is an eternal life. Hope that God is a really good God who loves to take care of his children. I have more to give than just clean water, a kind word or a solution for a homeless woman. I have hope. I know the answer to that burning question "what is the purpose of my life?" I know the One who gives us all we ever needed and more. And more than any other thing I can give to others, that is the thing that really matters.

A night out

2010-09-27T17:32:00.004-05:00

On Friday Lance took me out for a date that I requested! I saw in the paper at my parent's house that aproduction of The Diary of Anne Frank was showing at the Poteet Theatre. I had never heard of the Poteet Theatre, but tickets were just $12 and I really like the Diary of Anne Frank. I had never seen the play but I have read the book and visited the "secret annex" in Amsterdam.

So we headed out Friday night. The Poteet Theatre is a very cute, tiny theatre located in the St. Luke's United Methodist Church not far from downtown. Since we just bought tickets when we got there we sat in the back row, but it didn't matter at all! There were only about 7 rows in the whole theatre. It is so small and feels so intimate. It was easy to stay involved in the play.

When we saw the size of the theatre, I have to admit I wondered how good the production would be. But it was really good. They did a great job with a difficult show. I failed to remember how sad it would be at the end and of course I cried. But honestly, there were many people who cried at the end. The subject is a hard one, but one that is very important to me.

The Diary of Anne Frank also runs this weekend and I think it is worth the $12 for sure.

Lance offered to take me for ice cream after it was over which I readily accepted. I figured since I had cried so much and felt really sad I needed something to lift my mood!

A growing belly and getting ready for a baby

2010-09-11T12:26:00.006-05:00

Just when I thought my belly couldn't get any bigger...it does! I know I still have a lot of baby growing to go. The past few weeks have been really fun as she stays active and lets me know what she likes. Honestly, I suppose I am guessing that when she gives me a good whack she is saying she likes something. She could be saying, "Hey Mom, cut that out." I don't know. So far the list includes flying, my sleep time, early mornings and really any kind of food.

Me and Baby Girl at 28.5 weeks

I think preparing for parenthood is an interesting thing. I have found myself praying that the Lord will show me how to mother this sweet daughter he is giving to us. The one thing that I have become increasingly sure of over the past few months is that my primary role with our daughter is to nurture whatever the Lord puts inside of her. I don't know what her giftings, talents or life calling will be. But I know whatever it is, it is from Him and I want to create an environment for her where that can grow and thrive. I want her to be certain of her identity as His daughter from the beginning and I want her to have complete assurance of His love for her.

Me and Baby Girl at 30.5 weeks

The thought of how much influence a parent has on their child's identity is kind of amazing. So, I am praying and trusting God that he will continue to give me understanding of who I am in Him so that I have something to pass on to our daughter!

And just for fun Lance, sporting a creepy mustache, at 30.5 weeks!

Hearing the Voice Part 2

2010-09-09T22:00:00.001-05:00

It's been a year since I first wrote about this, but the Lord is stirring something within me and I want write more. For the first part click here.

I think one of the biggest ways that Satan has tricked Christians is by making us think that God is distant. I have heard the theological argument of the "watch maker" God set things in motion and then stepped back, took his hands off and just watched as things fell apart.

This just doesn't match up with the God that I read about in scripture.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted" Psalm 34:18

"What other nation is so great as to have their gods near them the way the Lord our God is near to us whenever we pray to him?" Deut. 4:7

There are many other examples in scripture. Yes, it certainly seems that we serve a God who is very near to us. So near in fact that he dwells within us. This is a mystery to me. The God of the Universe dwells inside of me!

So why is it so hard to hear Him? Usually because we don't believe he has anything to say to us. And if we believe in a distant God, then that would make sense. I don't have much to say to people with whom I am not in close relationship with. But when I have close to people, I have lots to say!

God is always speaking to us. We are just rarely listening to Him. And when we do hear Him, we often discount His voice because we are so unused to hearing it.

For me, the first key in actually hearing the voice of God was believing He was speaking to me.

The second key was figuring out how God was speaking to me.

Baby Girl Towers

2010-08-18T17:00:00.001-05:00

We still don't know her name yet. I told Lance that I know the Lord knows her name, and I am ready for him to tell it to us!! But we haven't figured it out yet. She sure is sweet anyway.

Plane rides and rules

2010-08-17T18:28:00.006-05:00

This past weekend I took a trip to Houston to visit my good friend Karis. We hadn't seen each other in four years and I had never met her little boy. She is expecting a baby in September and we are in November. This is a picture of me about a week ago at 26 weeks. This is about what I looked like when I left this weekend.

Let me start by saying, I like to follow rules. It is kind of wierd but I have always been pretty much a rule follower. I realize some rules are ridiculous but for the most part I find life more peaceful if I am not constantly fighting against the rules. There are too many real battles to be had to fight against rules.

On my first flight from OKC to DFW, I felt extremely sick to my stomach. This is something that rarely ever happened to me in the past but these days, just the mention of a plane ride makes me feel queesy. Anyway, I was sitting between two men, Arrogant Attorney and Nice Guy. The flight attendant came by right as we were getting ready to take off and ask Arrogant Attorney to please turn off his iPhone and his Blackberry (yes he had both). He relunctantly did so, but very slowly as she stayed to watch. I was thinking, "is this some surprise to you?? You always have to turn off your phone when you are flying."

Anyway, she walked off. I am not joking when I say that less than 15 seconds after she left he pulled a magazine out from the seat pocket, turned on his Blackberry, started texting and HID THE PHONE UNDER THE MAGAZINE. I am telling you it took every ounce of self-control for this rule-following pregnant lady to keep quiet.

So I closed my eyes and asked the Lord to make sure that if I vomitted on the plane it went all over Arrogant Attorney.

Okay, I did not really pray that. But I did think it might be sweet revenge for his disregard for the rules.

And yes, he continued to text throughout the entire 38 minute flight. I mean seriously. How could he have been asked to put that phone down for 38 minutes when he clearly had important "legal" business to conduct?

21 weeks

2010-07-07T20:24:00.003-05:00

This picture is last week. 20 weeks! I seem to be getting bigger every day. It is so exciting to start feeling the baby move around more and more.

It really feels like she is on a routine. I usually feel her moving around in the late afternoon and early evening and at night. I love to think of her in there moving around.

A new picture

2010-07-01T21:25:00.003-05:00

I realized I used the same picture in the last post that I already put up here! Since I have several hundred from Mariela's trip, here is a new one:What a silly girl! I miss her antics. Come back Mariela!!

Baby Girl

2010-07-01T21:14:00.005-05:00

I wish I had some pictures of our baby girl but our scanner doesn't work, so I don't. How about a picture of Mariela instead?

We were shocked to find out Monday that it is a girl! Here is how it happened.

Around 12 weeks we had an ultrasound and the doctor asked if we wanted her to guess what the baby was. We said sure. She said she was almost positive it was a boy. But she warned us it was still really early to tell and she could be wrong.

Still, we started thinking boy and that is what stuck.

So when we went in Monday I hopped on the table and they put that wand on my tummy and she said "Do you want to what it is?" I said "Sure" and I almost said "A boy!"

But she said "It's a girl" and she showed us the girl parts right away. I made her check three times I was so surprised. I started giggling and crying and I really didn't know what to think! I was surprised. And happy.

So we are expecting our sweet baby girl in November. I am really thankful to the Lord for such a wonderful blessing. I can't imagine what it will feel like to hold my child in my arms and see how wonderfully He has made her! What a thought. I am so excited to see what His purpose for her life will be. And I only pray that I can help her to discover that as she learns to love her Lord completely.

There's a baby in there

2010-06-21T18:23:00.006-05:00

There really is! These are a few weeks old. I am 19 weeks now and you are starting to be able to tell that I am pregnant. So exciting!

14 weeks

17 weeks

We have our ultrasound June 28th. We plan to find out if we are having a boy or girl.

Fun with Mariela

2010-06-08T15:01:00.008-05:00

Mariela came two weeks ago for her second visit to the US. We had a blast! Even though I worked most days, we still crammed a lot into her trip. She left early Tuesday morning and there were lots of tears shed by me. I can't wait to see her again. I just adore her and pray that she will be safe and well in Honduras this year.

She is a very smart 10 year old. She will start 5th grade in August.

She is almost fluent in English. Actually, there was a lot of Spanglish going on at my house while she was here. My personal favorites include "Holly will you meter in the pool?" (Will you get into the pool?), and "Holly can I provar that?" (Can I try that?). These were both heard frequently as I am not a huge swimming fan and she is! And because she loves to eat new foods. Sweet girl. Honestly though considering that including these two weeks she has only spent 4 weeks of her life in an English speaking country, her English is amazing. Her school is just so good. You can learn more about her school and the organization that was started to help send kids there here.

Coming in November

2010-05-19T20:45:00.000-05:00

Baby Towers! We are so happy!

Lance

2010-05-03T20:54:00.003-05:00

This is a post about Lance. I think my husband is nice to look at. That is probably a good thing.

This is him concentrating on taking a picture.

Ah, this is a nice one!

Lance is very thorough. I asked him to help me clean the house this weekend by cleaning the hall bathroom. That bathroom has never been as clean as it was when he got finished. I told him he was hired for the job permanently. He didn't say much.

He recently bought me roses just because he loves me. He likes to do that kind of thing, just not on days when it is expected like Christmas, my birthday or Valentine's Day. Nope, but right around April 10th, that is a great time!

He was also really sweet and recently let me buy a new car. Maybe I will post pictures. I like taking pictures but I hate transferring them to my computer. I have no idea why.

Lance has also been writing a lot of poetry lately. I love it when he reads them to me. He is very witty and his poetry is insightful and usually funny. Maybe I will borrow one for my blog one day.

Recalculating

2010-03-18T21:17:00.002-05:00

I had to go to Colorado for work this week. Lance went with me so I didn't have to make the drive by myself. I am so thankful! The weather was beautiful and we had a great time.

Last week, I bought a Garmin so that we could have easy navigation. We used one on our honeymoon and really liked it.

The problem is, that apparently GPS systems don't necessarily know the best route to take.

We headed out Sunday morning to Colorado Springs, a drive that should have taken us around 9 and a half hours. I had seen that the GPS planned to take us through the panhandle of OK and my older brother casually mentioned that might not be the fastest way to go. But, we trusted the GPS.

After 5 and a half hours, we were still in Oklahoma and I said something to Lance about how it sure seemed like we had been driving forever to still be in Oklahoma. As we crossed over into Colorado, things started to go downhill.

We realized we were low on gas and the GPS started to go a little wacky. To make a very long story short, our 9 hour trip turned into 13. It included waving down a farmer on a deserted country rode in Colorado only to find out that were 100 miles from a gas station the direction were headed. Which resulted in us turning around and backtracking. When we finally did find a gas station, I tried to buy a Colorado map only to find that the gas station was out of them. Texas maps, check. New Mexico maps, check. Colorado maps, no luck. The helpful ladies told us to keep heading north on the highway we were on and in around 3 hours we should arrive. Unforunately, the Garmin did not like Colorado and shut down periodically during our drive. Causing a few missed turns.

We did arrive at our hotel late that night, just so thankful to be in a city.

Lessons learned:

1. Always listen to your big brother
2. A $4 atlas is probably a good investment (we finally did get one when we got to Denver).
3. When in doubt, take the interstate!!!

Our short time in Colorado was great and I enjoyed meeting some folks who are doing awesome work getting the waiting children in Colorado adopted by Christian families. Very inspiring!

The Truth about Abortion

2010-02-05T11:50:00.003-06:00

I am going to be honest. Until a few years ago I rarely thought about abortion. It seemed like this hot button topic that got people all upset, and I figured I had enough going on. In fact, at times I felt frustrated at the Pro-Life movement. It seemed to me that this movement focused so hard on abortion that they neglected to deal with what happens when babies are born into difficult circumstances.

So I said to myself, they can advocate for that and I will be out here doing the real work, helping make sure the babies that are born have a shot a good life.

But slowly the Lord began to show me how my thinking was off.

What about the babies that never get to be born?

If you sit back and say nothing, are you not allowing the killing of the unborn to continue by your silence?

If you want to speak up for those who can't speak for themselves...well who has less of a voice than the unborn?

When I started working in the adoption field and began to talk to women early in their pregnancies who were considering abortion, something inside me just clicked. I was desperate. Those are babies they are carrying! What about their rights?

And when I read this the other day, my heart just grieved.

From jillstanek.com:

"Of all the states reporting to the CDC, Georgia reports the most abortions of black mothers, 18,901 in 2008 alone...30% of Georgia's population is black but they account for 59% of all abortions and 14 out of 14 abortion clinics (in the state) are in majority minority neighborhoods."

I felt sick to my stomach. I have heard the statistics of 4,000 babies aborted everyday. But something about that 18,901 abortions given to black women stuck with me. Maybe it was that number 1 stuck on the end. It made it very real.

And I have honestly scoffed at those who have said that the abortion is really an issue about race and prejudice. Then I watched this:

We need to pray.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-22T20:24:00.003-06:00

I have so much to say, but find it hard to share my heart here sometimes.

Instead, I will share these lovely flowers that I received for my 30th birthday in November! I don't feel at all sad about being 30. My sweet friends lovingly reminded me of all the great and fun things I did in my 20s and it inspired me that my 30s will likely be even better!! These flowers are so amazing that they basically still look like this 3 weeks later.

In other news, I got a Blackberry Pearl in September and we unfortunately do not get along very well. In fact, I am on Pearl #3 and this last little friend has decided that she just doesn't like receiving email that much. Pearl, I feel for you. Email can be a pain. However, I really don't feel like this is an optional service for you, so get with the program. It's email for crying outloud!

And besides the 10 pounds of chocolate sitting in my kitchen right now, that is about all going on in my life.

Be sure and check out Shine! Honduras. Love those sweet little Honduran kids.

Christian Social Worker

2009-11-22T16:19:00.004-06:00

Two years ago I wrote this post about being a Christian and a Social Worker. I guess there isn't much out there on the internet about this topic, because people are still finding that post in google searches!

I am still a social worker and a Christian. When I wrote two years ago, I was working for a public university in a wonderfuly clinic, and I loved my work! I worked for a terrific program and I felt passionate about the work I did with families and children.

Now, I am working for a Christian non profit organization. Truthfully, when I went into social work, I always envisioned that my faith and my career would be more linked than they had been. I had worked for a church and feel strongly about sharing the love of Jesus. So I was so excited to take a job at a Christian agency.

What I am reminded over and over again, is that just working in a Christian environment doesn't somehow make me more Christian. If my heart gets far away from Jesus, and I get distracted from keeping the first commandment in first place, then it really doesn't matter where I work. If my heart grows cold, then I have little of importance to share anyway.

In the field of social work (and other helping professions), we have that unique opportunity to serve others as our career. The problem is, our hearts can often get over burdened and we can begin to lose our passion and heart for service and begin to just perform a job.

So my encouragement is, if you are a social worker, therapist, nurse, or whatever, pursue the Lord today! It matters more what is in your heart than where you are working. If your heart is full of the love of Christ and you are listening to the Holy Spirit, you will make a difference to others!

What do you other Christian Social Workers think?

To read my other thoughts on being a Christian Social worker go here and here.

Back in Heels

2009-11-04T16:32:00.003-06:00

After two years and three foot surgeries, I am proud to announce that I am back in heels! There were times when I thought this day would never come.

I have worn heels for the past three days, and while I admit my feet are a little sore today and I didn't wimp out in the middle of the day and change into old lady shoes!

I sure am glad I kept these around instead of putting them in the donation pile!

Sweet Boy

2009-10-24T17:02:00.002-05:00

How can you not love this face?

With his sweet mama who I met about 10 years ago when she was in my 4th grade Sunday School class!

Got Her

2009-10-08T20:34:00.002-05:00

Ah, she does love that heater. I tricked her with the camera on my phone. Sweet puppy. She had shots and a teeth cleaning today.

Scaredy Dog

2009-10-04T20:02:00.003-05:00

As opposed to scaredy cat.

I adore my dog Abbie. And I wanted to show how well I have trained my dog to LOVE all things warm. Tonight I turned on my space heater and she got up so close to it that her nose was touching it. She loves to be warm. In the 100 degree weather, she will snuggle up completely under a blanket. She and I share a love of warmth.

What we do not share is a fear of the camera. My dog is terrified of my camera. I figured this out the first day I had it and she was my only model. She ran and hid from it. It did not work out well.

Tonight I wanted to take a picture of my dog pressed against the space heater. Abbie has not even SEEN the camera since June. Over three months. I pulled the camera out very nonchalantly and she immediately went alert and started pacing. And then, she got under the bed. Completely under the bed.

After I took this picture, she got so far under the bed that I could no longer even get a picture of her. I will have to work on my stealthiness.

Nothing much

2009-09-28T21:52:00.005-05:00

Not too much to say. Things are going well in the Towers house. Being married is fun. Of course, Lance is awfully nice. That probably is what makes it so fun.

Tonight I found out that I lost a lot of money from a Target gift card. I was so sad. I am not entirely sure what happened, but basically when I made some returns off our registry, a very helpful (and very young) cashier offered to combine all of our gift cards onto one. And gave me an empty one back.

I had been saving the gift card (with $150 on it) for something special and tonight with a cart full of fun stuff found out my "big" gift card was empty.

I tried not to be too sad. But I am.

I am also sad that now that summer is gone these beautiful flowers are dead. Sorry for the sad post. Maybe I will buy some mums for fall

Lance and Holly

2009-09-19T17:09:00.004-05:00

Our benefit auction for Christian Services was just over one week ago. It was a huge success in helping us continue to minister this year!

This is one of Lance's favorite wins at the Auction:

You can get our own cake pops at www.cakepopcastle.etsy.com. Lance has enjoyed giving them out to people they resemble! Which I am sure people enjoy. Actually, I enjoyed picking out the two that looked most like us, although there weren't too many options since there was only blond headed girl and she did have a pretty worried look on her face. I really don't feel this nervous when I am standing next to Lance.

Just a little behind

2009-08-27T21:26:00.005-05:00

And I don't mean on posts.

I mean I feel a little behind on keeping up with the latest online communities and social networking. I actually joined Facebook in 2005 and I have been blogging since 2005, so in some senses I have been out here for a while.

But as I have started working on social networking for our agency, Christian Services of Oklahoma, I have realized that for many this is a serious business. And I am a little behind!

So I am trying to figure out when to tweet (hardly ever) and when to update on Facebook (a little more often) and in the midst of that how to start a blog for Christian Services. I did figure out tonight how to link our Facebook and Twitter accounts, cutting down on the work!!

And occasionally I remember this old faithful blog that has been around since 05. Ah, what a sweet friend this blog is. Always here when I need it and never complaining of neglect.

Hearing the Voice Part 1

2009-08-15T06:50:00.009-05:00

(I plan to write a few posts about my journey in learning to hear from the Lord. This is the first part).

There was a time in my life where I wasn't sure that I could hear from the Lord. I mean, I knew He spoke through scripture. And I heard others talk about hearing His voice and how He spoke to them, but honestly I was skeptical. I think for a long time I believed that although the Lord could speak to me, He didn't choose to so.

But I wondered. And I wanted to hear from Him. I wanted to experience His presence and His voice.

So I want on a journey of sorts. I talked to Him and I studied scripture. I remember reading about what the Spirit of God did in the scriptures. I read what Jesus said the Holy Spirit would do for us in John 14. And I wanted that.

So I pursued it.

And He spoke.

I remember it clearly. I had been experiencing a time where the Lord was working on my heart in a big way. I was being convicted of sin in my life and repenting and even making major changes in my life. I was sad but also happy.

One night I was feeling sad and lonely and bit desperate. It was one of those moments where I felt like I just needed to hear from the Lord. Was what I was doing right? What did the Lord really want from me? Why did it hurt so much? Was God even there?

So I was washing my face in the bathroom one night (I have learned that Lord often picks the most mundane parts of my day to speak to me) and I was crying and praying and feeling sorry for myself. And it happened.

"It will be okay. I am with you."

It wasn't some wierd supernatural experience of open heavens or a vision or some audible voice speaking from the water faucet.

It was just a still, small whisper to my heart. If I hadn't been listening I wouldn't have heard it. But it was sure and strong and I knew it was the Lord.

It also wasn't some profound statement about how I should sell all my belongings and move to Africa. In fact, in the beginning it seemed like it was just an assurance and didn't give me major life direction at all. Really though it did. A direction to seek the Lord and to spend my entire life seeking His presence. That last part, seeking to be with the Lord.

That was only 4 and a half years ago. Another day I will say more about this journey, but mostly I am thinking today that I am so glad I was listening that night.

Since then, I have been learning that the Lord is always speaking and He is looking for people who are listening. I want to be a listener. I want to be a seeker.

I don't know who you are that is reading this blog, but just ask the Lord to speak to you today and then take the time listen. He does have something to say.

Revelation Song

2009-08-06T20:32:00.003-05:00

I love this song. We sing in worship sometimes. Lately they have been playing it on Klove but this is my favorite version of it! Enjoy!

Just some more fun pictures

2009-07-29T20:01:00.004-05:00

We have been married one month! I hope that every month is as fun and wonderful as this month has been. I certainly feel thankful to the Lord for blessing me with a husband as wonderful as Lance.

I believe we are starting to adjust to our new routine. Abbie has finally stopped pacing, whining and sleeping right beside my side of the bed on the floor at night. She has gone back to her bed, which is very nice. I was stepping on her everytime I got out of bed!! I guess she is resigned to the fact that Lance is staying.

Lance cooks breakfast lots of mornings and on occasion I cook dinner. I know, I should be better.

Anyway, here are some more pictures from the week before our wedding.

My sweet friends and bridesmaids Amber and Lindsy.

Lindsy and my sister-in-law Teresa. There was something wierd going on with the setting on my camera so the lighting looks funny, but still a cute picture!

Little Mariela LOVING the trampoline.

Blackberry Picking

2009-07-22T21:11:00.004-05:00

We went to Lance's parent's house this weekend and did some blackberry picking. I am pretty much a country girl now!

Yum!! Plenty of blackberries.

Just watch out for those thorns!!

My sweet husband

Tristan ate most of his as he went!

We brought almost two gallons home to eat. They make yummy smoothies and I am going to work on a pie.

Somewhere Tonight

2009-07-15T20:13:00.005-05:00

A little boy will go to bed hungry

Another will die because he has no clean water

A little girl will lose her mother to AIDS

Another will be lost herself to the sex slave trade

A little boy will watch his father hit his mother

Another will feel the wrath of his father’s anger against his body

A little girl will wonder if she will ever have a family

Another will lie hopeless in her bed, alone and afraid

What will you do tonight? What will I do?

“A father to the fatherless, a defender of the widows is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing.”

(Disclaimer -- these are pics of kids I have taken over the years and the statements are not necessarily true for the child pictured by each statement)

More Wedding

2009-07-13T19:16:00.003-05:00

My New Husband and I!
My Family

With my girls!

Lance's Family

Seeing me come down the stairs

Sweet Mariela

What a perfect day! It was lovely, small, fun and just under 100 degrees!! Our wedding really was perfect, I can't imagine how it could have been any better.

We got married!!

2009-07-11T09:03:00.001-05:00

June 27, 2009

More pictures to come!

Wedding Week

2009-06-24T14:11:00.009-05:00

It has been a busy week! Mariela and Amber came in on Monday night and we have been going strong since then. Mariela is on her first trip to the USA and has marveled at things such as:

My Dishwasher ("That washes the dishes and you don't have to do it by hand??" She has been begging me to run it!).

My Garage Door Opener ("Can I open the door?")

The Carpet in my House (She has never seen carpet before)

Here are some pictures of our fun times!

At the zoo! It was so hot but a great trip.

She loved the animals (and she loves posing for pictures so I got lots of practice with my new camera!

Eating her new favorite fruit -- a peach! She has never had them before and keeps begging me for them.

12 Days

2009-06-15T21:58:00.005-05:00

Until our wedding! Here are a few recent pics:

At our shower in Bartlesville

With my mom and aunt

Thanks to my sister-in-law and sweet friends for a wonderful personal shower!! You can't see all the yummy food, but it was so good.

My Cousin Jen!

Alcohol

2009-06-05T13:03:00.002-05:00

Sometimes, I read a blog called "Anonymous Truths." Sometimes I like it and sometimes it makes me sad to see the hatred with which people comment. Regardless, a recent post elicited this comment:

Anonymous said...
The whole situation about Fetal Alcohol syndrome and pregnant women at the wedding. WHAT!? I don't think we can draw conclusions from those assumptions. Just for the record. I have a friend who is a pediatrician and C of C. She encouraged me to have a glass of wine on and off through pregnancy and guess what I saw her do it too. No problems - small amounts of alcohol will never reach the baby. She said she tells her clients no drinking because she wouldn't want them to drink too much so it is just easier to tell them not to drink anything. Oh and she is married to a OB. This is not to condone drinking while pregnant just to point out that you can't assume the wine was grape juice just because there were pregnant women there.
June 5, 2009 9:05 AM

I feel so passionately about this issue, that I actually commented (very unusual) and wanted to write it here. I am so sad that even today there are people so misinformed about this totally preventable disorder!!

Here is my response to this poster:
June 5 -- 9:05 a.m. You are incorrect about alcohol consumption during pregnancy. The truth (backed up by research) is that we do not know exactly how much alcohol it takes to produce Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD...formerly called Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) and we do know that FASD is a disorder on a contiuum meaning that some children are born with mild symptoms and may not be easy to recognize that they are FASD while others have more significant symptoms. Many doctors (even OBs) are unaware of the significant consequences of alcohol use during pregnancy and what new research may show about this. Please, please, please DO NOT drink any amount of alcohol while pregnant. You may very well cause irreversable damage to your unborn child.
June 5, 2009 12:57 PM

Here is what the CDC says:
When a pregnant woman drinks alcohol, so does her unborn baby. There is no known safe amount of alcohol to drink while pregnant and there also does not appear to be a safe time to drink during pregnancy either. Therefore, it is recommended that women abstain from drinking alcohol at any time during pregnancy. Women who are sexually active and do not use effective birth control should also refrain from drinking because they could become pregnant and not know for several weeks or more.

This is not an issue to take lightly. People must be informed about this issue, for the sake of so many unborn babies.

For more information:
http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/fas/

Regardless of your personal views about drinking, I think it is clear that drinking while pregnant is a very poor choice.

Unwanted

2009-05-28T08:58:00.004-05:00

Today, I found this amazing website of Ryan Scott Bomberger. He has a very powerful story and truly makes us face the truth that an abortion ends a life.

I encourage you to visit www.shouldhavebeenaborted.com.

Things I like

2009-05-19T23:46:00.007-05:00

Chicken Salad Sandwich from Chick-Fil-A. This is amazing. Also packed with calories. It keeps me full all day, not an easy task.

Diet Vanilla Coke. Me and every other woman in Oklahoma. I am so not original. I need to get back on that no caffeine or carbonation, only water thing I did for a few years. That was so good for my body. But it wasn't as fun.

Psalm 63. The Lord is good and He is victorious. Just listen to a few of the words from that passage:

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.

God sets the lonely in families

You gave abundant showers, O God; you refreshed your weary inheritance

The chariots of God are tens of thousands and thousands of thousands

Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.

Foot Surgery. Just kidding. I hate foot surgery, but since I have had three in the last 10 months, it has become a part of my regular routine. And yes, I realize that picture is disturbing (that is not my foot). Even more disturbing is that there actually used to be a nail in my foot but thankfully it is gone. And my foot feels better.

Engagement Pics

2009-05-14T16:11:00.007-05:00

Our wedding just about 6 weeks away. I am so excited. And I am praying that the recent tropical rainy season that we have been experiencing will stop so that we can get married outside!!

I never posted these here, but I LOVE THEM! Amy Nickerson took our pictures for us and I think she did an awesome job.

On my mind

2009-05-06T08:03:00.006-05:00

I am borrowing Lindsy's idea and sharing with you some letters I have recently been wanting to send.

Dear Doctor #1,

Thanks for doing those first two foot surgeries on me and leaving a screw in my foot that was too long. I loved all those months of walking around in pain to learn that every step I take was like having a nail driven into the bottom of my foot. Sorry to tell you, I got a new doctor for the third surgery.

Thanks for the pain,
Holly

Dear Doctor #2,

Thanks for figuring out the problem on my first visit with you and fixing my foot before I get married. Now I can walk down the aisle without wishing I could cut my foot off.

All the best,
Holly

Dear Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market,

Generally I love to spend time with you since you are close to my house and not as crowded as your big brother. However, I have noticed lately that your selection stinks. I mean really, how hard is it to carry sweet pototoes and kiwi??

Still Hungry,
Holly

Dear Post Office,

I know you have to make money but is it really necessary to continue to raise stamp prices? Right as I have to send out millions of thank you notes and wedding invitiations. Don't worry, I will be buying forever stamps this weekend for all of my correspondance.

I'd rather email cause it's free,
Holly

Dear Facebook,

Stop changing stuff.

Love,
Holly

Dear Garden Ridge,

You are huge. Why don't you carry the buckets I want for my wedding? How hard is it for you stores to just HAVE WHAT I NEED??

Disappointed,
Holly

The Run

2009-04-26T22:24:00.003-05:00

I am so proud of MooMoo (Shameka). I was able to accompany her this morning as she ran her first 1/2 marathon. Lauren and I drove all over the place to try and cheer her on at different locations.

The problem was, she was so fast, we could hardly drive the half marathon as fast as she could run it!! She finished in 1 hour 48 minutes with no training. Unfortunately, it looks like her chip didn't work and her results aren't registered online.

About to cross the finish line.

Of course, when she finished, she was full of energy and not the slight bit winded!

Drama Pros

2009-04-24T20:11:00.008-05:00

Our Capitol Hill kids have a special talent for drama. On and off the stage!

Seriously, I am so proud of them. For the third year in a row, our high school group has down an outstanding job with their drama at LTC. This is the second year that the kids have written their own script, with just a little bit of help and guidance. And their third gold medal!

Ben and Kelly, we missed you! It wasn't the same without you.

The drama group (Mitchell wanted to hide his face?)

Anger and Fear

Sweet Girls

Tired (but proud) sponsors

The whole Capitol Hill bunch

Music

2009-04-17T11:25:00.005-05:00

I love the Sound of Music! It is one of my favorite, favorite, favorite movies. I watched it several times while bedridden after surgery.

So, you can imagine how much I enjoyed this clip.

Too Old For Foster Care

2009-04-08T08:42:00.004-05:00

Our country faces a huge problem as youths age out of the foster care system with little family support and virtually no where to turn. Many end up living on the streets or in homeless shelters. There is little or no safety net to help most of these vulnerable children who are at an age where most of us still relied heavily on our parents for support, both financial and emotional.

You can find a heartbreaking account of some of these kids in the NY Times, Too Old for Foster Care, Facing the Recession.

Weary

2009-04-07T10:38:00.009-05:00

I sometimes get in a hurry. Well, actually a lot of the time. I hurry to get to one place or the other, or to get a project done or to finish a task. I hurry myself and I even rush others at times. Sometimes hurrying leads to carelessness and can have unintended consequences.

I have felt a little weary in the place of prayer lately. Praying fervently and not seeing immediate results. I was saying to the Lord yesterday, that I am tired of praying for this or that. I am impatient, and have a desire for immediate answers and solutions.

But I cannot hurry the God of Creation.

One of my favorite stories that Jesus told is the Parable of the Persistent Widow. The story, found in Luke chapter 18 tells of a woman who would not give up in bring her request before the judge. My favorite line in the story is the judge, saying, "I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!"

Jesus told his disciples this story so that they would "always pray and not give up." I am asking the Lord to help me learn about this. Being persistent in a place of prayer may not mean praying one time or for one week or one month or even one year.

I think of all those who have labored in prayer for years and may never have seen the results of their prayer in this lifetime. But they prayed with a confident expectation that the Lord heard them and answers prayers.

Yes, He does.

The Parable of the Persistent Widow

Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: "In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, 'Grant me justice against my adversary.'

"For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, 'Even though I don't fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!' "

And the Lord said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?"

The Story of Us (So Far)

2009-04-01T16:44:00.008-05:00

(Story by Holly, Inserts by Lance)

This is a story about a boy and a girl who loved Jesus first.

And then they loved each other.

The girl’s name is Holly and the boy’s name is Lance.

They met while doing urban ministry at Central Church of Christ in 2001. They had respect for each other, enjoyed serving children and families together and teaching others about God.

And then they went their separate ways. She finished graduate school and became a therapist. He went home and did a preaching internship and then an internship at the House of Prayer.

And then, they ran into each other several years later. As they talked, they realized that the journeys they were on with the Lord were amazingly similar. And that they were both excited to seek deep relationship and knowledge of the Lord.

And they just so happened to attend the same House Church.

And they kept on being friends.

Then one day, Holly asked Lance to go with her while she shared some things with a friend that the Lord had laid on her heart. And he prayed for her and their friend, and he went.

After that, they began to build a deeper friendship. They prayed together, they ate together (she mostly cooked and it was delicious), they served others together and they took lots of walks. One day, he told her that he thought he might want to marry her. But Holly wisely didn’t say much at that time because Lance, though he thought he might want to marry Holly, also said he wasn’t absolutely certain he wanted to live the rest of his life as a married man.

It so happened that one beautiful evening in August, he took her to the lake where they sat and watched the sunset and talked and he kissed her. In his heart he was deciding he did want to be a husband, but not just anyone’s. He wanted to be Holly’s husband.

Five months later, Lance took her back to the place it all started, a little white house behind the Central Church of Christ, and asked her to spend her life with him.

And she said yes.

Little House in the Big Woods

2009-03-23T20:24:00.006-05:00

Oh, how I love the Little House books. Seriously, loved them. However, this post is not about my love for the pioneer days. Nope, it is about my weekend.

The Little Cabin

This weekend Lance and I spent a weekend with some good friends in a log cabin in a remote part of Arkansas. It is true. Unusual, but true. Unusual because I am not lying, we were at least 30 minutes away from the closest gas station. Let's not even get started with Wal-Mart or Sonic.

The Big Woods (or one of the hundreds of fallen trees)

Oh, but it was relaxing and beautiful and delightful. And we sang songs and prayed and told stories and played games. And I didn't cook at all. Nope, Lance brought all the food and he did most of the cooking for all six of us.

The horses

I am so blessed.

It's Been a While

2009-03-15T13:22:00.006-05:00

And I have been busy.

Since the last time I blogged I have:

Started a new job.

Had foot surgery again. No, the foot is still not much better.

Gotten engaged. Full engagement story to come.

Monet

2008-11-26T18:55:00.004-06:00

Last weekend we went to Kansas City. Part of our trip involved a visit to the Nelson Adkins Museum. I love museums, especially art museums. I love the history in art and seeing how people view the world and translate that into art.

Although Monet is not my very favorite, it was still so exciting to see this:

I really just wanted to sit and stare at this a while. And, since the return of the major foot problem creates a lot of walking pain, I did just that! But not for too long, there was too much more to see.

Beloved

2008-11-15T14:36:00.006-06:00

You are my private garden, my treasure, my bride, a secluded spring, a hidden fountain.

I've been thinking about how I worship the Lord. And how He sees me. I am finding the Song of Songs continually a beautiful place to find the picture of how the Lord sees his Bride, the Church, and also me. I read recently an article by someone stating that the Song of Song should surely be taken literally, as the love between a husband and wife. Because, surely the Lord would never use such language to describe His Church, His People.

But I thought back to many passages of Scripture speaking of the unfaithfulness and adultery of His People, His Israel. I thought of the pain he felt when His ones were unfaithful and wandered into relationship with others. And I thought of the picture painted in Revelation of the wedding at the End of Days, and the wedding banquet we will be invited into.

And it made perfect sense. If, in His anger, he describes his people as "adulterers" then in His love he would surely call his people "beloved."

Listen to the Lord's heart for you today:

You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice!

Moving On

2008-11-10T19:37:00.003-06:00

Yesterday I packed up my office and moved most of my personal possessions out of there (with some help). All told, I have worked at my current job four and half years, excluding six months two years ago when I got the grand idea to leave the first time. I promptly returned.

This time it feels different. My current job was my first out of graduate school. The place where I learned to be a social worker and learned to do therapy. The place where I made and forged lasting professional relationships and the place that has given me the foundation of my career. It is like home to me, comfortable and known. But it seems it is time to leave home.

Because of my slight internet paranoia, I am not going to reveal the actual place I will be working, but I will say this. I am going to be working at a Christian agency, which I believe will give me a unique opportunity to minister to others in the name of Christ while I work. I am very excited. I believe that the Lord has opened this great door for me and I can't wait to walk through and see how He will use me and what it will all be about.

If you don't already know the details (and care) and are a good enough friend to have my email, then just email me and I will tell you!

In other news, I successfully planted and few flowers this year at my house and I am very proud. This was one of my favorites:

I never can remember what these flowers are called, but I had three of them and I loved them! So pretty. They are now safely tucked away in my garage in an attempt to live through the winter.

Life

2008-11-04T11:21:00.003-06:00

Today, as I voted there were many, many important issues in my heart. They were the same issues that were present as I prayed this morning. I hope and pray that our nation will be a God-fearing, God-honoring nation. But I am so thankful that my salvation isn't tied to whoever wins the election today. Thank God that prize has already been won!

There is one issue that troubles me frequently, though I have not written about it here. That is the Pro-Life movement. Unfortunately, it is clear that being Pro-Life is more about being anti-abortion than actually being pro-life. To say that you are Pro-Life would suggest that you are for life. All life. All the time.

I continually tire of hearing people talk about the "sanctity" of life but arguing that we should not give poor children healthcare. Or people discussing how life starts at conception and with the same mouth listing reasons why food stamps and welfare programs that aid children and families are a "bad" idea, "socialist" and even "Marxist." (What about giving generously to those in need? If it makes me a socialist to follow the teachings of Jesus, then call me whatever you want). Or people who demand that abortion be illegal but can't be inconvenienced to care for foster children or orphans because of the bad influence those kids might be on their own children or the impact they would have on their own lives.

I read this blog today and I was brought to tears. Yes, abortion is a terrible thing. Yes, life is precious, given to us by the Creator. But if you are going to claim to be "pro-life," it is time to get out there and start taking care of the children that are truly in need. No more excuses about why I can't or someone else is more equipped. The battle for life starts with me. And you. Not a government program or a politician. And not with a vote. But with my own life.

p.s. yes, it is a new job more details to come.

See, I am doing a new thing!

2008-10-24T15:40:00.004-05:00

I will not claim that my "new thing" is as life changing as the new thing the Lord promises in Isaiah 43, but never the less, it is new.

Let me tell you a few things I am NOT doing:

1. I am not buying a new sports car
2. I am not getting engaged or married (in the near future!!)
3. I am not moving to Europe, South America or any other fun place
4. I am not selling my house (for now)
5. I am not losing the 5 pounds that I am hoping for (nope that would require me to stop eating so much chocolate, not gonna happen)
6. I am not going back to school (hallelujah)
7. I am not redesigning this blog (mostly because I have no idea how to)

It's big though, just wait until you hear about it. Now, to my few commenters (but many readers...I know you are out there thanks to that handy little traffic tracking deal). Any guesses??

Elections

2008-10-14T08:17:00.004-05:00

This morning I read Ann's statement about this political season. Thank you Ann! She also reminded me of this video. I couldn't agree with you more.

I believe that the Lord has great plans for each and everyone of us and our nation. And that His hand will guide the whole process. But let's keep this all in perspective, really.

There are a few things pretty clear to me:

The Lord's way to redeem this earth has to do with a Savior willing to live a humble life and die a cruel death rather than any earthly ruler.

The Lord can and does work through all kinds of government structures and earthly kingdoms, but none are His plan for salvation.

Jesus has promised to return and establish His Heavenly Kingdom someday (technically from Jerusalem and not DC).

Ice Cream

2008-10-01T08:33:00.005-05:00

I neglected to post this earlier, but Monday was Ice Cream Day. That's right! You may remember this summer I alerted you to National Donut Day. Being a lover of all things sweet, I didn't want to miss out on Ice Cream Day!

In celebration, Julie and I left our house at 9 p.m. scouting out some good ice cream. So, I encourage you all to go and ahead and give this important day some honor even if it is a few days late.

New Growth

2008-09-30T20:54:00.003-05:00

A couple of weekends ago I laid down grass seed in my backyard (to be very fair I didn't do much of the work but that is another story). My backyard was about 50% dirt due to being very shady.

After the seed was spread, I commented that it is absolutely amazing that you can just basically throw seed onto some dirt and it will take root and grow. I mean it is mysterious that inside a teeny tiny seed is the capacity to produce something beautiful, green and alive. There is life inside that seed.

It has been 10 days since we spread the seed. Not all of it has germinated yet. But some has. And where there was once dirt now there is bright green grass popping up all over. Life.

And in other places nothing seems to be happening. Perhaps the soil really wasn't prepared for growth yet.

I love nature, because it really believe it testifies to God, all the time. That is the way of life, isn't it? The smallest word from the Lord or experience we have has the potential to birth new growth inside our hearts. If our heart is prepared for the growth.

Beautiful

2008-09-18T07:54:00.002-05:00

This is what I watched last night. Not this exact sunset (I took this picture about six months ago). But a beautiful sunset over the lake. Testifying to the wonders of the Lord.

"For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse."

Intercession

2008-09-09T15:56:00.006-05:00

I went to a conference recently and a large part of the focus was intercession. Prayer. An important topic to me. In my childhood and adolescence, I often thought prayer was for dinner time, before bed and during church. As I got a little older I started to understand more that prayer is actually this conversation between God and me. Amazing. I talk, He listens. He talks, I listen. But I still struggled with spending long periods of time in prayer and even to some extent believing that anyone was listening to my heartfelt words. My approach was frequently, "God, there is something going on, I want you to know about, but I will just try to come up with some solution myself." I failed miserably on the wait and hear what God has to say part.

A huge part that was missing for me was knowing the heart of God for me (and all believers) and approaching Him in a way that said I knew what His heart was for his children. The other part that I missed was how important prayer is. Prayer is our opportunity to approach the throne of God, be heard and maybe move the heart of God.

I think of Ezekial 4:14-15, Ezekial pleading to the Lord that he not be made to eat defiled food as God had commanded him. And God relented, he allowed Ezekial to have this request.

I think of 2 Chronicles 2, after Solomon dedicates the temple and the Lord speaks to him, telling him that when things aren't going their way, if his people will only humble themselve and pray and seek his face and turn from their wicked ways, then he will hear from heaven and forgive them and heal their land.

And I think of 1 John 3:22, that we receive anything from the Lord that we ask, when we have confidence before the Lord and obey his commands and do what pleases him.

I am learning that God loves to hear the voice of his children and he delights in coming quickly to answer. The job of intercession, to sit at the feet of Jesus and talk to Him, it is not secondary. It is not "all I can do is pray." No, it is "ALL I can do is pray." Nothing more powerful, nothing more noble. It is not let's have a little prayer time before we have ministry. Prayer is the ministry. The ministry that moves the heart of God, that changes the lives of people, that changes the outcomes of the nations. The supernatural force that brings our world into alliance with the world of God.

Honduran Dinner

2008-09-01T11:36:00.004-05:00

About a year ago, the daughter of my host family in Honduras moved to Oklahoma to live with a family from church and finish out high school here. We spend time together but not as much as I would like.

This Saturday I invited her over to make a traditional Honduran dinner with me since she doesn't get to eat that food much now. She was so excited! I was glad, but surprised at how excited she was to make beans, rice, tortillas and fried plantains. Yes, that was the menu. And because this is America, I made some chicken to go along with it.

I meant to take pictures, but I am going to be honest, that much cooking took all of my energy. We had some good laughs at me trying to make a tortilla by hand (which I succeeded at) and my attempt to make beans. This sounds easy enough but I didn't realize how long it takes to cook them.

One of my favorite Honduran foods is fried plantains. For the longest time when I stayed in Honduras, I thought I was eating fried bananas. Turns out plantains are a totally different fruit. And they do not taste good eaten raw! I tried it Saturday night. Fried they taste very sweet, and you can convince yourself you are eating something healthy since they are a fruit.

Right after I wrote this post, I remembered a statistic that I had recently seen about Honduras from World Vision. They estimate that 1 in 4 children in Honduras under the age of 5 suffers from malnutrition, in part because of their dependence on tortillas which contain calories but lack nutrients and vitamins. As much as I enjoy eating a traditional meal from that country, may it be a reminder to me and to us all that many, many children will die in that country and others this week due to not having adequate food. May our hearts always be moved by the plight of the poor and needy right next door or across the world.

What If...

2008-08-29T14:37:00.007-05:00

Today I was doing some very serious work and came across this website. What if I had been a high school senior in:

1952. Hmmm...interesting.

Or how about in:

1960. Now the scary part is that I am pretty sure my mother has a school picture that looks EXACTLY like this.

Just for fun, a year at least in the decade of my high school graduation:

1994. Oh yeah, look at that hair. Yikes, I may have actually had a perm like that once.

A Tribute

2008-08-28T19:38:00.003-05:00

My friend Lindsy does great birthday dedications to her friends. In fact, I believe I have been the recipient of one such dedication.

So, to show my support of her, I am dedicating this post to her for her graduation from graduate school! This has been hard work for her and I can sympathize! I am really proud of her for her hard work. So here are my top 5 favorite things about Lindsy:

1. She and I became friends at a very difficult time in my life and she immediately warmed my heart with her friendship. I am truly thankful that she supported me and encouraged me during this time. I will never forget that.

2. She is very funny. Lindsy finds the humor in life and I love to read her funny insights on her blog!

3. She is a great cook. When we first became friends she and Sister #1 cooked dinner for a group of friends at their house every Sunday night. She quickly invited me to be a part of the dinner group and not only did it mean a lot to be invited, I also got to eat some really good meals. I contributed excellent salads from time to time.

4. She is fun to travel with. Honestly, Lindsy and I have only taken one big trip together (she got sick when we went to St. Louis and had to come home). But Winter Olympics and Europe on Speed 2006 was an incredible time! And she is a great travel companion. I would go with her anywhere in the world. Well, I didn't want to go to Beijing this summer, sorry Linds!

5. She is not afraid to ask the tough questions about life, and while she is patient, she challenges me just at the right times. I love this kind of friend. I appreciate our daily conversations through email because they challenge me and encourage me!

Anyway, way to go Lindsy on your graduation! You worked hard and it will (already has) paid off.

Busy

2008-08-14T08:53:00.009-05:00

Well things have been kind of busy around here. I knew that people would be wondering why my extremely reliable blogging has slowed down, so I decided to give an update.

First, there was my trip to IHOP in early July. That is the House of Prayer not House of Pancakes, just to clarify. My friends Julie, Ann and Pete went with me. I love going there and spending long periods of time in prayer and worship.

Then right after I got back there was the dreaded foot surgery. I thought it might help you sympathize with my rather traumatic experience if you saw a picture of my doctors.

As you can see Dr. Glasses is shocked at what they find when the open up my foot. Never a good sign. The surgery left me dependent on these for 10 days:

Due to my rather long walk into work every morning I was off work for 10 days! Woo Hoo! I love using my vacation time for sitting on the couch. Actually, it was a great opportunity to travel to my grandparents' house in Denison, TX, for several days of being totally taken care of.

I had this idea that within two or three days of the surgery I would walking, maybe even running again. Ha. In the mental health profession we call that DENIAL! This attractive boot (or one like it) was my companion for three weeks after I left the crutches behind. Tons of fun in the 100 degree weather.

Other wise, things have been just totally normal. I am starting work on a new grant and so I finished up with my LAST client in the program I have worked with for almost four years. And I moved offices. This was is much bigger, has nice paint and a private bathroom! It used to be a sleeping room for medical residents in the hospital. The major plus is that the bathroom has a shower so now I can actually sleep in my office with no need to go home at night. That is great news since gas prices are still so high.

Warning

2008-08-11T21:44:00.004-05:00

Home ownership should come with the following advisory:

Warning: Not for the faint of heart

Monetary investment: Mortgage, plus taxes, plus insurance, plus hundreds of extra dollars in expendable income each month for maintenance

Proceed only if you possess the following abilities: plumbing, electrical, lawn and gardening, tree trimming, landscape architecture, carpentry, foundation repair, knowledge of pest control, locksmith, painting, dry wall, tiling, and hundreds of other tidbits of knowledge regarding handy work (did I mention cleaning, cleaning carpets, scrubbing tile grout, raking leaves, cleaning out gutters, repairing damaged baseboards, washing machine repair, crawl space vent repair, interior decorating {and if you plan to make it through without starving cooking and shopping on a major budget are good to}?)

Important Notice: Do not proceed if you do not possess above stated abilities or money to hire it all done.

Jump

2008-08-04T18:00:00.004-05:00

I don't really like movies. I don't have anything against movies, I just don't really enjoy seeing them. So last night, when some friends suggested a movie night at my house, I was less than excited. But I went along because I like my friends. And I am glad that I did.

One of my friends had the movie "Jump." It is about a guy who has the ability to jump through portals of space I suppose and can go from Rome to Egypt in an instant. Fascinating really.

It got me thinking about God. The God who is bigger than time and space and imagination. The God who created the time and space. Amazing. I have some friends who talk about "transportation" some times and by that I mean the Holy Spirit sort of experience that Philip encountered in Acts 8. Some of my friends have heard about or know people who have experienced their own type of transcending time and space. Not with all of the drama and action from the movie Jump, and maybe or maybe not like what Philip experienced. But times where people arrived at the right place at the right time when it had not seemed possible, almost like time stood still for them for a moment. Or even going into a room and walking out in another building than where they started. Astonishing. Hard to fathom. Difficult to believe. Maybe even crazy.

Until I start to consider a God that is not bound by worldly terms. And I ponder His Word. I have heard it said that if you stick a new believer in a room with a Bible and tell him nothing about the Lord, he will come out with a much different picture of God than most Christians today have. And for good reason. If I take God at His Word and believe that He is who He says he is in the Bible and acts like He did in the Bible then my picture of Him changes drastically. He really did send supernatural manna from Heaven to His people. He really did raise people from the dead. He really did heal the lepers. He really did restore sight. He really did tell the Woman at the Well all about her own life. He really did cause Philip to transcend time and space in order to give the message of salvation to a eunuch. If He is the faithful and true, never changing, the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, then why would be so hard to imagine that He might continue throughout the ages to act in ways that would defy man's logic?

The truth is, when I began to believe in the God presented by scripture, it's not too hard to imagine. It's really not about miracles or signs and wonders or debating about what and why God might or might not do a certain thing. It is about the acknowledgement that God does act in ways beyond my understanding. That He is not defined by my mind. No, that instead He defines my mind! That the only understanding I can begin to have about Him is that which He Himself gives me.

So, I say, God do what you love to do. Surprise us, fascinate us, blow our minds. You are the Eternal One, the Everlasting. There is nothing too big or too hard for You.

New

2008-07-13T19:02:00.003-05:00

It's not spring, but things feel new to me. Inside and out, there is just that feeling of newness all around my life.

Last weekend I went to IHOP with a few good friends. It was so good to have the opportunity just to sit at the feet of Jesus. I am so thankful for the change within me that created a desire just to sit with the Lord. Quite a change from the constantly-busy, always doing something, working and trying to do it all on my own person that I used to be. Praise God who makes all things new!

This weekend I had foot surgery. Yuck. I was classified "non weight bearing" for several days which means that these are my best friends.

It would be an understatement to say that this has really challenged my independent nature. Thankfully I have plenty of people to help me out.

Hopefully within a few weeks I will be walking unaided and with no more pain in my foot! New!

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."

I'm Yours

2008-06-20T09:45:00.004-05:00

There is this song I heard a few months ago and it just really, really spoke to me. I think that it was written by Luke Wood, but I am not really sure. Anyway I was in the prayer room the first time I heard it.

"I'm yours. To take and break and me make me sensitive to you. I've come to far to turn around now, there's nothing I wouldn't do, to hear your words of life Lord, to be as close to you, as any man would ever dare to come. I'm yours.

All I really want to do is find you, all I really want to do is stay there when I do."

I remember hearing these words the first time and having that experience of feeling like "oh my gosh, this is exactly how I feel right now." I just connected with these words. I sat and let those words kind of soak into my spirit. I also had the realization in myself that I had to say, "Is there anything I wouldn't do in order to know God better, anywhere I wouldn't go, any depth I would reach to or sacrifice I wouldn't make? Is it the absolute priority about all other things, knowing Him?"

That is what I love about worship, prayer, community. God is just so good to speak to us all the time! I love the discovery of searching the mysterious things of God and the joy of finding the place where they are.

It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out.

Quiet

2008-06-17T10:17:00.004-05:00

I haven't had much to say lately. I have been feeling quiet. There is a lot stirring inside of me, but it feels a little too heavy to say right here in this moment on this blog...so I haven't. I am marveling a little at the wonder of the One who made me and the mystery of the way He works. And the joy of discovering that mystery.

And I am having some problems with my computer. I bought my laptop when I was in graduate school and this June it turned 5 years old (ouch...that kind of hits home). So like all responsible adults I bought an external hard drive so that I could back-up my all important documents (aka pictures and music). Oh, okay, I also backed up other stuff like my graduate school research papers which will surely come in handy one day, right?

She is working quite nicely, keeping my memories and music safe and sound from the perils of impending laptop death.

Sweet

2008-06-06T08:45:00.004-05:00

In case you haven't heard, today is National Donut Day. Being a lover of sweets I celebrated with a coffee cake from Panera Bread. I realize this is not really a donut. However, it was free! That is right, the entire thing was free!

I went to have tea last night with a friend at the Panera by my house and one of my Central/Lighthouse/Capitol Hill girls (who is now a young lady, high school graduate, mother) works there and when they closed, she gave it to me! She also introduced me to her co-workers as "one of the people who raised her." Which made me feel choked up, proud of her and kind of old. I guess I have kids everywhere I go.

Anyway, Happy National Donut Day. Please celebrate by eating something sweet!

Newsworthy

2008-05-30T11:19:00.004-05:00

I wanted to make sure that my loyal blog readers were up to date on the most news worthy events of the week. In case you haven't had time to check out the news yourself, or your job/child has prevented you from keeping up with msn.com, let me help you out.

Did you know that Secretary of State Condelezza Rice is a self-proclaimed Kiss fan? She took time after an important meeting about Iraq to go and meet the band. Thankfully, they were well-informed about current events. Hopefully she got some good advice.

You know, everyone agrees that the current state of our health care system is, well, not really that great. The new solution? Let Wal-Mart take it over. That's right, forget nationalized health care plans people. Wal-Mart, America's number one all-stop, get everything discount store can now solve your health care dilemmas. No health insurance? No problem. With new walk-in clinics and the major expansion of the $4 prescription drug program to include over the counter medication, they have figured out the nation's health care problems that have baffled our elected officials for decades.

For all my readers who are moms, this is for you. A recent study has shown that the more kids you have, the more teeth you are likely to lose in your lifetime. I am sorry to give you this sad information. If you have been wondering about your dental problems, they have now been solved.

And finally, if you have really been feeling like the dog park just isn't cutting it for your pup's social life, there is great news. The first doggie night club has just opened in LA, featuring an indoor pet toilet, doggie dance floor, and muttinis. I think I have figured out where I will taking my next vacation.

Wednesday's Word

2008-05-28T15:39:00.003-05:00

I keep seeing this post on people's blog called Worldless Wednesday. I decided that my version of that is going to be the word that seems to be defining my week.

Restoration

res·to·ra·tion / Pronunciation Key - [res-tuh-rey-shuhn] –noun
1.the act of restoring; renewal, revival, or reestablishment.
2.the state or fact of being restored.
3. a return of something to a former, original, normal, or unimpaired condition.
4. restitution of something taken away or lost.
5. something that is restored, as by renovating.
6. a reconstruction or reproduction of an ancient building, extinct animal, or the like, showing it in its original state.
7. a putting back into a former position, dignity, etc.

This is the word that is my heart this week, maybe for this season of my life. I LOVE that God is the God of restoration. He loves to restore relationships, hearts, lives, our very beings. I love that He is restoring and reviving HIS church! Restoration. How sweet. When so much of life seems to be about tearing down, death and sadness. God brings restoration to our lives, to weary souls and to tired hearts. You can feel it deep inside when you ask God for it. Restoration.